77. To and fro

Lemme begin with one of Seinfeld's bits(during one of his stand-up shows)

"You know, why we’re here? To be out, this is out…and out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People…did you ever hear people talking about “We should go out”? This is what they’re talking about…this whole thing, we’re all out now, no one is home. Not one person here is home, we’re all out! There are people trying to find us, they don’t know where we are. “Did you ring?, I can’t find him.” “Where did he go?” “He didn’t tell me where he was going”. He must have gone out. You wanna go out: you get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, you get all ready, get the cash, get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservation…There you’re staring around, what do you do? You go: “We gotta be getting back”. Once you’re out, you wanna get back! You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it’s my feeling, you’ve gotta go."

Right from the time I started going to school, school was the 'out' for me. Once I'd get back from school, the routine would be to drink some Bournvita and rush 'out' to the playground. When it'd get dark, it was time to get back home, have supper and end the day. My life comprised of many such micro-cycles of "in and out", "to and fro" everyday. Every now and then, there would be the long vacation(once or twice a year) where we'd be 'out'  for a couple of days or so, and then get back to the trivialities and banalities of daily life.

Once the uniform-days got over, by some freaky twist of fate(am yet to know whether it was for the better or worse), I ended up in a university that was 'far' from my place. I mean real far. My definition of 'far' took a real big change. Until then, I'd always crib that my coaching center was 45 mins from my place, was very 'far'. But this was a different 'far' (24 hrs by train). It was a 'far' from where you couldn't return home daily. A 'far' from where your parents could not keep a tab on what you were doing, a 'far' so far that no one in your earlier "world" could see or know of the antics you were up to, unless you told them yourself.

The power was with me. I could decide what to tell, when to tell, what to do and when to do. I was 'out', and it was totally on me to decide when all to get 'back' home from the 'out'. Initially, it was thrilling, having all that decision making power. 'The power to make your own destiny' as the wise fools put it. Planning a trip back home was never easy. The challenge was to combine the holidays with the non-volatile working days so as to minimize the effect of the wraths from the profs(estimating their tantrums and surprise quizzes) and also to not miss any important event in and around college(read: cultural/fashion/rock shows).

But there was always this urge to go home, to get a hero's welcome, to meet old pals, to catch up with the trends in the city, to attend those boring functions sporting  the "sheepish constipated smiley look" all through and to get recharged by eating some gr8 home food. And then, it would be time to get 'back'...Back to the 'out' which had become the new 'in'. Hostel was the new home and the original home became the 'out'. I'd get back to college, all recharged and fresh, with my airbags filled with home food, all set to take on the world. But after sometime (read: 2 months or so), I'd find myself on the losing end of the battle, all drained out and all set to get back home.

But here's the other deal. Each time that you do come back home, you notice that things have changed. And if you've come back after a reasonably long time, then you're at sea unable to cope up with what's happening around. Slowly but surely, there's an alienation of sorts. You are treated more like a guest, offered all the comforts and liberties (unlike earlier, when you'd be accountable for each and everything) and you just can't help it. I remember the time in class 12 when I was lambasted for getting back an hour (or two) later than expected. A year later (in UG), when I did something similar, the response was radically different.

I've been oscillating "to-and-fro" between home and away for the last 7 years now, still not sure as to which is the 'home' and which is the 'away'. If it depends on just the quantum of time that one spends in a physical place, then it’s evident and elementary. But it’s not so simple. If you look at it qualitatively, the one week at home (the one with the parents + siblings) can be more worthwhile and create more memories than the 2 odd months in a hostel or at a PG accommodation.

On one end, I envy those buggers who get to stay at home all their lives, or at least get a job back in their home town (or close to it) after a brief hiatus away from home (for their UG or PG). But I consider myself luckier than those few who've left their homes for distant lands across the seven seas and cannot return home as and when they want to. The fact is, in this new westernized-India, moving away has become an integral part of our lifestyle. But our cultural and homely-roots keep pulling us back with almost as much force, time and again. I’m tired of this see-sawing. Is there no way out of this? Can't things be simpler....sigh !

76. A Swine flu over my ass !

If you cut the crap and look into the facts, you'll find that swine-flu has a lesser mortality/death rate than diarrhoea, pneumonia or TB. Yes, its caused mass-hysteria, but can you blame the poor virus. The media has had such a major hand in spreading exclusively the negative news related to the H1N1. Let me talk about a virus that is far deadlier and has spread beyond control in this country. Its the D.O.R(Death on Roads) virus. It has two variants : death due to driving or death due to being a pedestrian on road. Now you'll ask me as to why D.O.R is deadlier than H1N1. Lets talk some core statistics here.

a) Swine-flu
Deaths reported(till date): 26
Number of infected cases : more than 1000
Estimated loss to GDP(if it becomes an epidemic) :1 - 1.5% of GDP (as given by World Bank)

b) D.O.R

Deaths reported: more than 300 PER DAY

Number of infected cases : the whole illiterate driving population

Estimated loss to GDP(it has become an epidemic) : 3% of GDP

Now you tell me, which one is deadlier and should get more media coverage! Lets look at what the government can do about this. Regular road review programs, more number of roads, strict rules and regulations and the likes. I'll start with the driver's license test.  It's a joke, a mockery, a sham. This test is a very serious affair in developed countries. Dubai's driver's test is presumed to be the toughest and the most rigorous. I've heard of people flunking the test as many as 20 times. Their test is so trusted that the same license is valid in many other countries. And what happens in our 'Shining' India ? (oh how i hate it when someone calls it that)...You needn't know to drive to get a license, you can use the license to practice 'Live' on the roads along side 'Live' people. That's the value we give to our lives(and to that of our fellow Indians).

I got mine only coz I went through a broker. I barely managed to drive a 4-wheeler for which I was bestowed with a combo license(the 2 cum 4 wheeler one)...a license to kill. But I've decided not to unleash my madness on the roads and be a danger to myself and the society at large.

All this aside, the one thing that the government can't do is to change your mindset. They've given you the road, but its upto you as to how you drive. If you as a driver choose to be illiterate, ignorant of the road rules and not valuing your own life, even Lord Ganesha(whose gonna be immersed soon this month) can't help you out.  And for god's sake, don't drink and drive. Develop a road-sense if you don't already have one. Follow the rule whenever, wherever possible. Rules are meant to keep you from succumbing to D.O.R. And if not for your sake, think about the countless other fellow drivers and pedestrians that are likely to get injured coz of your callous driving. Unless you develop this superior-sense, India I'm afraid will never shine.

And before you go buy one N95 mask for the flu, buy yourself a helmet, get your vehicle insured and get it serviced(if need be). And the irritating media will still not take notice, but do your bit by educating your peers about D.O.R. You'll be saving many a lives, I assure you of that.

A small addition...here's a foreigner's view on 'driving in India' - http://www.pixelatedimage.com/blog/2009/08/driving-in-india/

75. Some awkward moments

Disclaimer : This post is not intended to be funny. Its intended to bring the 'awkward' feeling/emotion out, and may be some chuckles in passing.
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Moment 1 : An abandoned rescue

The first week a.k.a the 'Orientation week' in my college is when the PDP(Personality Destruction Program) sessions are conducted all through the night right until early in the morning. I have always been totally against this whole concept of making 23/24 year-olds sit on the grass for hours, shout some stupid slogans, run around the ground, propose to ugly senior girls and similar nonsense, and all this after the freshers have been bombarded with academic sessions from 8 in the morning till 12 in the night. So I donned the role of the rescuer, the messiah, the one who sends the troubled ones back to their hostel rooms for some well-deserved sleep. If I found a junior roaming around aimlessly, unable to finish a task given to him (invariably, the task would be to find some pretty girls and send them over to the senior bunch), I'd ask him whether he wanted to sleep and if yes, would rescue him from the charade. One fine night, during the session, I found a guy just standing, looking clueless and dumbstruck. Being the messiah that I am, I went to him and asked him
  

Me : So....What's the task that these numbskulls have given you ? Do you have to make love with a pole or wat ? 

That guy : (pats me on my shoulder and whispers in my ear) I'm a senior dude.

And then he left. Boy, that was embarrassing. Awkward and embarrassing. I dint know where to go and hide my face that instant.

Moment 2 : All that glitters is not 'Gold'

Was in Dubai doing my summers. Got a call from mom(at home) asking me to buy some gold jewelry. This was the first time that mom had asked me to buy something so huge(price-wise). Till date, mom had only sent me out to make low-value purchases, such as buying coconuts or milk from Latha aunty's store or Bournvita from the Departmental store or Kaju barfis from Halwa-ram Mithai bhandar at most. I was thrilled and also tense. I had to buy something big and the choice was in my hands. So I went the jewelry store, painfully went through all the chains and ear-ring models that they had to offer(thinking long and hard as to what kind of stuff would mom want to sport) and I made my choice. I picked up two chains, both really pretty. Was really confident that mom would like them and laud my taste for jewelry and my choice-making/decision-taking abilities. Summers got over, I went home. Bro was happy with the stuff I got for him. Went over to mom and handed over the chains. I was expecting the "Oh wow. They suit and fit me perfectly. Thank you son :)" kind of a reaction. Mom, on the other hand said "Nice chains. These are for your wife." This one-liner turned an all-smiles environment into a rather weird one. I laughed, looked puzzled, took deep breaths, blinked furiously, sneezed, coughed, but could not manage to speak. It was way too awkward. Here I was, buying something for someone whom I dint know, whom I may never know, who may be allergic to gold(ok, this is rare), or there's also a chance that I may never want any 'someone' too(for life). I wonder how someone else would have gotten outta such a fix-ey situation.

Moment 3 : The bill 


Mom : Go get some coconuts from Latha aunty's store.

Me : Am outta cash mom. Gimme some money.

(The washerman/dhobi comes to collect clothes, each of us give him our dirty linen...and he's busy counting the clothes)

Mom : I gave you 2k just yesterday, where did you blow that money off ?

Me : umm....I bought some shares with it. Investment you see. I want my money to work for me.

(The dhobi interrupts)

Dhobi : Sir, this is yours(hands me a piece of paper)...It was there in your pant pocket.

Mom  (takes the slip from me) : Hmm...a bill of 2K...'Langoors'....apparel store...(I grab the bill back from her)

Me : errm, I just got myself a few undergarments. 

Mom : For 2k ? 

Me : And 2 over-garments too....and the discussion fizzled out

It was two days later that mom found out that 'Langoors' was a female shoppe, when she asked a colleague about the same. It was very awkward. I knew that she knew, but she dint know that I knew that she knew about 'Langoors'. I had expected a flurry of questions but nothing of that sort happened. Some days later, I went out to mom with the begging bowl again asking for money. She gave me some cash, and with a devious smile said "Buy something for yourself this time!". My theft was caught (damn the dhobi, he could've washed the pant with the bill in it, for all I care) and I felt real tongue-tied even standing there trying to sheepishly smile and think of an excuse, which I eventually couldn't :s


Moment 4 : The girl classmate

You get to know that a school's classmate of yours has been selected to join a 'better known institute of management in northern India'. You feel real happy that someone from your old school's class has done real well. With no one else around to share the good news with, you goto dad with the news.

You : Dad, Serafina cracked the feline test and got through to the 'Better known Institute of Management in Northern India' (BIMNI).
Dad : Whose she ? Is she the one from your school ? The class prefect ?
You : Yea, bingo. You've got a great memory.
Dad : If I remember well, you used to get better grades than her in school rite ?
You : Yea, most of the time.(I was already sensing trouble, with the way this conversation was shaping up)
Dad : Then how is it that she has gotten into BIMNI while you're learning management from the 'Lesser known Institute of Management in the Crime-capital of India' ?
You : Awkward pause. Awkward-er smile. Feel stupid. Regret opening your mouth. Get Irritated. Angry.......Shout @$$#0!e...@$$#0!e  in your head. 

The transition from being happy to feeling stupid to getting angry is so swift, it feels like you're sliding down a steep spiral until you fall with a loud thud. And that's when you reach Ground-Zero(GZ...another acronym for the 'crime-capital' where I'm living right now).

74. Dubai chronicles : The Summer of '09

A year back, if some astrologer or parrot holder would have told me that I'd be seeing the Burj Al Arab daily on my way to office or I'd regularly watch movies in a 1 million dirham home theater system, I'd just laugh it off . But then, reality did have something else in store for me.

Before the summer
The moment I was told by the Head HR that I'd be doing my summer internship in Dubai, I was like 'Dubai....ummm....doesn't ring a bell...where is it ?'....and its then that it struck me. An international internship would be an amazing experience, this was what I thought at that moment. When I saw the complete list of ppl selected for the company, my thoughts took a shift. I knew none of the other selected guys/gals. It is then that I realized that this internship may not be so much fun after all. Yea, 2 of them were frm my class but I'd hardly known them over the course of last year. A day before leaving for Dubai, I'd loaded my comp with movies and sit-coms so that I would not get bored on the trip.(Later did I come to know that even the rest of the junta was as apprehensive as I was) I am kinda anti-social and it takes me eons to get to know people. So I'd settled for the lame reality that I'd be going to Dubai alright, but it would be a drab and dull trip where all we'd discuss about would be work and movies and cigarettes and may be liquor.

The beginning
But the very fact that I just watched one movie on the entire trip, never worked overtime in office, spent around half my stipend on Johnnie Walker(the other half on cabs) and a whole lot more on touring, shows that this has been one of the most rollicking trips I've ever been in. The start of the trip was as mysterious as it can get. We just get a mail from the HR saying that we'll be picked up from the airport and taken to a hotel(sounds a bit like those James Bond movies where he's sent over to strange places and picked up by stranger ppl). So we get out of the airport and we wait. We wait. We roam around lookin for ppl holding banners. No luck. We wait. We smoke. We wait. As a desperate measure, we buy a caller card but don't know how and where to use it. We're just about to go all out shouting for help when we see one guy coming towards us holding the right banner. Oh what a relief. We get to the hotel, unpack our stuff and then get together to decide 'What next?'. We go to the receptionist in the anticipation that he might know about our schedule for the next day.

Me(to the receptionist) : What do we have in store for tomorrow ?
Receptionist : Breakfast starts at 7 AM sir.
Me : Did the office ppl inform you regarding any pick up from the hotel.
Rcptnst : No sir, but breakfast timings are form 7 to 10

In essence, the only thing we knew about the next day was that breakfast would be served. Nothing else. This internship was getting more mysterious by the minute. And so we slept. And we woke up the next day. We had our b'fast as instructed, not knowing what to do next. Some of us thought that we'd have a vote-out session, something like the MTV roadies do and that only the survivors would be taken to office on the next day. Some even started searching the room for clues which our company ppl might have left for us to find and figure out what to do next. Anyways, we did reach office by 10 the next day and thus began our internship.

The regular schedule
Not once did any of us take the regular office pick-up cab coz it was way too early. We'd get ready at our own sweet pace, have a sumptuous breakfast(oh how I miss that b'fast spread now) and then take a regular cab to work. On the pretext of going on 'store visits', we covered all the major malls in Dubai(yea, all of 'em).

Creek
The AM-PM mindset shift was drastic. Sitting idle in the office at 10 AM would be the most boring thing, while having hukkah at the 'Creek' at 10 PM on the same day would give you a surreal feeling. The first part of the day would sap the energy out of us(sitting idle in office all the while) while the later part would be great fun(read: awwwessome). The Creek was our regular hangout joint. One boat ride and a hukkah by the Creek side is more refreshing than even a couple of gallons of Glucon D, blv me :P

Crazy
In one word, this Dubai trip was crazy. The hindi song 'Kaise' that played during the fountain show was crazy, the prices in Buddha bar were crazy, the architecture in the malls were crazy, the size of the popcorn bucket(for 30 dhms) in the movie hall was crazy, the fines were crazy, having hukkah every other day was crazy, finishing a carton in 8 days was crazy, the lively audience at the music and dance concert were crazy, the expressions on each of our faces when we converted our whole expenditure into Indian rupees on the last day was crazy too.

Giving elaborate descriptions for the rest of the events/places will make this post a humongous one. So am just jotting down a few things that we did, a few lines that we spoke and a few things we shud not hav done :)

Malls
WAFI : Egyptian pyramid style architecture
Mall of the Emirates - Snow park and Lebanese food
Dubai Mall - Aquarium, Fountain show, the three pretty violinists, the one sad female harp player
Burjuman - was exotic
Markato - English style ka mall
Deira City Center - apna Big Bazaar type, Coldstone ice cream
Times Square Center - Subway :p
Ibn Batutta Mall - Marble Slab ice cream there was yum
Marina Mall - amazing views all over

Places
Madinat Jumeirah, JBR Walk, Open beach, Jumeirah beach, Buddha Bar, Snow Park, Desert Safari, Palm Islands, Ice lounge, Cruise dinner, Carrefour, Karama center, Starbucks (twice), Coldstone (thrice), Bananas pizza

Quotes
'Dubai ke do sabse faalthu phone apan dono ke paas hi hain' - Nitin
'Cute hai' - Nigarish
'Arey nimbu nahin, Nigarish' - Me
Tujhe patha hai, wahaan pe sharks hai yaar....it was sooo amazing - Hemali
'Wat nansense !' - Me
Davidoff  'One' health ke liye acha hai - Alok
'Main Hemali ke paas nahin baithoonga' - Nitin
'Yaar, I think we should get a camel and ride on it in the desert' - Nigarish
'Marina mein ghar saare awesssoooome hain yaar....tujhe patha hai, wahaan pe authentic arabic food miltha hai' - Hemali

'Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of our lives' - Alok

'Ithna kharcha tho shaayad main apne honeymoon pe bhi na karoon' - Me

Somethings I'd never do otherwise
Order for water worth 1200 bucks in Buddha Bar
Pay 600 bucks for a cab to go to office(daily)
Have a bubble bath every alternate day
Activate a smoke alarm with just a steam bath
Ask a sales executive in a mall as to where the 'exit' is and she replies saying 'I don't know' (wtf !)
Poach on someone else's wi-fi from the hotel room (favee123, favee maatha ki jai ho)
Buy a carton of cigarettes
Eat prawn flavored crackers
Work in  firm where not one person seems to be happy with his/her job
Do spade work for 2 other interns for their final presentation
See Burj Al Arab daily on my way to office
Make 4 others wait for a 7 seater cab(for 45 mins) after getting wet on the beach
Watch movies in a 1 million dirham home theater system
Have two bath-tub baths on the same day
Have a buffet b'fast for a whole month

After summers
All I'm left with now is a group of gr8 memories, a few new friends, a series of stories for all the people back home, and all this backed by 9 GB of pics and videos. Not bad huh...For an internship that was rumored to be shelved and even when it did start, it started in the most untoward fashion. Yes, the trip dint start too well; yes we did have an explosive feedback session with the HR on the last day; yes we did spend a hell lot more than the stipend we got; yes we got cranky during the return flight home(almost high) and yes, we all are yet to get over the Dubai hangover. But all in all, this was one very memorable trip.

73. Online protocols

The rules of the game of  a 'normal conversation' are different when it comes to the online versions of all the interactions we have with everyone around us. Yes, the email, the messenger, skype and other audio/video chat devices have a different set  of protocols to adhere to, which may not apply(cannot be applied) to the normal person-to-person conversation.

What spurred me to write this piece is a small but irritatingly idiotic norm that has gained acceptance in a group that I have to forcibly be a part of. I'm a part of a 60 member class in a b-school. I became a member of a yahoo group that represents the class. The idea of having an online group  primarily was for the CR(class rep) to mail the important announcements to the whole class at once. Some people also exercised the liberty of forwarding "important" (read : shit-piece) articles to the whole group once in a while. But idle time coupled with the ability and power to bug 60 people at once has changed the whole scenario. The people use group mails mostly to have frivolous discussions, to pull one another's leg(like it was done in primary school), to chat about liquor as if its something exotic and out of the world and to vote for the hottest slut in class(there r none btw). And now, there's an addition to the already existing chaotic nonsense. People have started wishing their classmates on their birthdays on the group mail id. Doesn't sound so bad does it. But imagine, you getting 60 mails saying the same "happy b'day XYZ" on every birthday(60 days a year).....won't that bug you ? I don't know, but it bugs the hell out of me. If its someone's birthday, wish him on his id, why do you want the whole fuckin group to know that you're wishing him/her. I've no interest whatsoever in knowing that.

Am I being anti-social here, YES. But am I being pragmatic, double YES!

But its not just this one instance. People abuse the online platform to a great deal just because its a relatively new way of talking and the rules and norms haven't been established yet(they actually have, but we just aren't aware enuf).

People type 'brb' on their messenger windows, never to return back. If a person who types 'brb' doesn't return in 2 minutes flat, 25 GB of gay porn should automatically get downloaded onto his/her PC.

People who say 'gtg' abruptly, with no care for the guy at the other end should have nightmares about having a  date with Himesh Reshammiya, their 'knight in shining armor'.

The number of insane "fraandhsip" requests on orkut and facebook is a testimony to the fact that for every one non-despo, there are a million despos in this country (a blaring example for 'unity in diversity' in our country).

I realize that chatting online does reduce inhibitions, doesn't mean that you go full throttle and flirt like there's no tomorrow. I've seen break-ups happening online(in my hostel), and it isn't a pretty sight....People slamming the mouse pads, kicking the dust bins close to the table and screaming at their room-mates just coz the girl has gone offline and won't take their calls no more.

People use fake profiles on social networking sites to bug their childhood crushes and to stalk their current crushes online(voyeurs or Peeping Toms). I've seen profiles with names like 'Shakila ki maa Tequila', 'Lola kutty in my mutthi' with status messages like 'I want a hasina with pasina', 'Faad ke panty, c*** de aunty' etc etc. For the record, creating a profile with all censored pics and raunchy stuff filled in it is  a very cheap and lame idea to create humor, although it works sometimes :p

People uploading their photos(standing in front of a stupid rock or just posing for the heck of it) and forcing everyone in the colony to view their online albums should be castrated, to say the least(or atleast given 100 lashes with a leather whip).

Proposing online is not  a good way to go about doing it. You never really know if you're proposing to the girl or to her brother (the girl went out to buy some lipstick...the bro, with his group of friends, has been chatting with you all through your flirtatious build-up to the proposal question...how embarrassing).

The 'Busy' status message is by far the most abused one in today's messengers. When someone is 'busy', don't ping them unless your life depends on it. Seriously, its really bugging. Its almost like knocking on a door with a 'do not disturb' sign on it. And there's the other side of the coin where we find people who have the 'Busy' status msg whenever they're online. People just like to look busy, most of them are never busy. Just for the record, if you're taking time off to dig your nose or to eat your ear-wax or scratch your sweaty ass or to refresh the 'orkut' main page or to scroll up and down on your messenger list, you are NOT busy.

And when you've gotto end a conversation, just say 'bye' and end it. Don't prolong it with all those unnecessary words and abbreviations like bbbye, gn, tc, cya, ciao, haffun, gnite and gud luck, cheers, alvida, shabba khair, khuda haafis, boy boy, sheeyaa....all typed one after the other...its mighty irritating for the person at the other end to think of one other thing or to retype the same thing that you've just typed, just out of courtesy.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Most of us just don't get it. So many more protocols get formed and broken online, all it needs is some common sense to  see this nonsense and go senile.

72. Of gifts and gate-crashes

When all is it appropriate to gate-crash at a party or a gathering ? On the same lines, when all is it ok to not give a gift to the people whose party you've come to ? Any purist would say 'never'. But we aren't purists, are we ? We live in the real and messy world where all the boundaries are blurred. So we chalk out our own interpretations for such situations and spread them to one and all like its the gospel truth.

For instance, I'd recently been to a friend's elder brother's marriage. My friend had invited me and a couple of other school friends to the gathering. Now while we were driving to the party, I was a bit uncomfy coz we were going there empty-handed. Till a few years back, when I was  a minor(in every sense of the word), I wasn't expected to bring a gift to the party. That was mom and dad's headache. I just had to be there in my best outfit and gorge on all the delicacies and ice-creams. But now, things are different. In 2 yrs, am gonna hit a quarter century (and most probably, have a quarter-life crisis too). So, its expected of me to behave as a responsible 'major' social animal and buying a gift for the bride and groom is part and parcel of this behavioral pattern.

But the rest of my gang were adamant that we need not buy a gift. They say that we need to buy a gift if it is our friend's wedding, but if its his brother's or sister's wedding, we needn't buy anything. They say that the friend should not bother about gifts & presents from us and would be happy just coz we have graced the gathering with our presence  :O.....I don't seem to get the reasoning behind this social norm. I mean, I'm being invited, offered free food (and drinks) and in return, I'm expected to wish the bride and groom accompanied with a material offering. Its that simple. Whether its my friend or his brother or a complete stranger. As long as I am invited and I am present at the function, I am supposed to do the needful.

This is just one incident. It becomes worse when one is tagged along to a birthday party or a farewell or a freshers or a completely unrelated party. The place is new, no one knows you, you get a lot of "who the fuck is he ?" stares & you seem to be the only one with no gift in your hand.

A booze party is all the more tricky. Everyone is there for the liquor. And you need to be in a group to get a table to sit and drink. If you're alone, you won't enjoy the liquor and you'll get the stares from the bartender & waiters. Even a guy who's had 15 vodka shots will make out that you're a gate-crasher.

The trade-off is simple. Its the level of uncomfy-ness versus the quality of food and drink that's gonna be available. If the uncomfy-ness is on the lower side, take the risk and go gate crash, no matter how remotely you know the person whose party it is. If its a bit high, then weight the pros and cons and take the plunge :)

71. April 1st

Well, its All Fools day again. For those who wanna know the reason behind this day being called so, have a look at this :
http://www.infoplease.com/spot/aprilfools1.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/April_Fools'_Day


Just finished my 3rd term xams yesterday, which officially completes my first year of stay at this place. Its been a year.....Whoosh..... Time just flies. And I'll be flying off to Dubai in a couple of days for my summer intern. I just remembered what I was doing this time last year. Waiting for all the b-skool final results. I'd goto office, open pagalguy and browse through every minimally related thread and would do this for the whole day(with lunch and tea breaks in between...oh, and work too).

Once the group-discussion and Personal Interview stage gets over, all that an aspirant can do is wait. And the wait seems endless. So many post posts on pagalguy, where people write inane insanely repetitive, dumb and retarded stuff.
Thread name : IMT Ghaziabad results 2008-10

Dumbfuck1(Trainee pagal) : The wait is killing me.... :S
FireInMyAss (Major paagal) : I can't wait to end this wait.
MrNoSocialLife (Expert paagal): Hey puys, I talked with college authorities yesterday. They said the results would be declared soon. So chill.
nishu84 : Hi, I am nisha. I am new to PG. I got 97.8 %le and have 2 years work-ex in IBM. Will I get a seat ? When will the results be declared ? (without reading any of the previous posts in the thread)

Wandering aimlessly through PG during the months of March and April is called puy'ing I believe. I'd be reading such stuff all day, seeming busy. My manager and team lead were always at loggerheads with me for not doing my work in time. There were a couple of others too, who'd be doing the same thing. When the results get declared, its hysteria, madness. PG has provided so many kinds of smileys that people make use of each one of them in that one post. There's nothing short of fireworks. Ahh....It all seems to have happened so long back now.

70. Because *I'm that* bored

Because I'm *that* bored.

Name: Abhay Krishna
Nickname(s): chris,A.K,A.B.K,abdul,chachi,420, bai babu(i hated this one)

Single or Taken? : ummm....not taken
Sex: Male
Birthday: Nov 24th, every year.
Blood group: O +
Sign: Saggi
Siblings: a brother whoz a bass guitarist
Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown
Shoe size: 7/8/9....I dunno, somewhere in that range
What are you wearing right now? A striped shirt and a dockers trouser
Where do you live? Hyderabad.
Have You Ever:-given anyone a bath? : nooooooooooooo....(as russell peters says)
bungee jumped? : want to, not yet.
broken the law? : yea, luv it :)
made yourself throw-up? : bad question
gone skinny dipping? : Nope
been in the opposite sex's bathroom? : ummm....hmmm :)
eaten a dog biscuit? : wat !
put your tongue on a frozen pole? : done worse, put it on a hot plate
broken a bone? : Yep...bone, tendon,cartilage,muscle
played truth or dare? : Yes, but always dared 
been in a physical fight? : Show me one guy who hasn't been in one
been in a police car? : Took a lift once :P
been on a plane? : Yea...wanna be on a copter
been in a hot tub? : Yep
swam in the ocean? : No way.....i only swim in pools
fallen asleep in college? : I find it hard to sleep in awkward postures....i get very jealous when i see my feloow ppl happily dozing away while the prof pours all that verbal diarrhoea on the class.
Cried when someone died? : No
Flashed someone? : Nah
Lied? : Nope. Dammit, did it again.
Laughed so hard you fell off your chair? : Yea. have fallen off every piece of furniture at least once.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for a call? : Yes....waiting for an sms in fact.
Saved e-mails? : totally
wished you were someone else? : hmm, we all do that.....I wanted to be number 23 (MJ)
wished you were a member of the opposite sex? : Nah
Been rejected? : hmmm
used someone? : hmmm
been cheated on? : Not that I know of.
Done something you regret? : Lots of stuff. I blabber too much.....hav caused a stir or two many-a-times

First Thing That Comes to Mind:-
Yellow: Sun
Blue: Robin blue
Happy: the song 'Egire Egire' (frm the movie KIKK)
Autumn: leaves.....doesnt ring a bell otherwise
Cow: Moooo.....RSS trying to sell cow urine as the new coke

Have you ever had:-


chicken pox? Yes
sore throat? Yes....am having one now
cold? Yea
stitches? Yea
bloody nose? Yea
sex? that's a good build up for this question

Do you:-

believe in love at first sight? : Yea, u're still in love with your mom nd dad rite  :P
enjoy parks? : Not quite
like picnics? : Nah....picnics used to be good back in school
ike school? : totally....missin skool like hell
hate anyone? : I'd be damned if i say i don't.

Who:-

is the last person that called you? : Swaroop
makes you laugh the most? : quite a few....off late, its been Mr.OK
can make you feel better no matter what? : Hmmm, that's  bit too personal
was the last person you touched? : Bro
you hugged? : Don't quite remember
you yelled at? : Bro
told you they loved you? : Mum

Do You/Are You:-

like yourself? : No :)
dye your hair? : Nope
have piercings below the waist? : eww....gross
stolen anything over $50? : not in cash, but in kind....stole optical mice frm the comp lab.
like ice cream? : wat kind of a question is that ? 
Flavor : bavarian chocolate, Place : Softy den
like cold coffee? too expensive
Smoke? uhhhhh.
have beer? : yea
obsessive? : ummm....yeah.
Compulsive? : yea....i hope i get points for all this 'yea' answers
Depressed? : Not quite
suicidal? : Not in the recent past

Random:-

Prized possession: lost it just recently....was in my wallet which got stolen :(
Last thing you said? : hey bro, what's the spelling of 'bass' as in a bass guitar ?
"What is beside you? : a guitar, some dvds, lots of orbit chewing gum(un-used), a dictionary, a novel, a pen drive, guitar stubs, playing cards on the floor....man, this place is a mess
Last thing you ate? : murukulu..yumm
Are you right handed or lefty? Right
Favourite song: I can see clearly now - Johnny Nash
Worst thing that has happened to you this year: Losing my wallet...had lots of good stuff, lucky charms in it :(


Time started: 12:44 pm
Time finished: 1:13 pm


To share my boredom, am tagging ppl hu r equally bored.


Ginny 
Satish 
Puneet 

69. b-skool cartoon strip - 3

Frequency mis-match

Lateral thinking

Room-mates

68. A guest's dilemma

I was a guest at 5 more places on my 3-city trip....Nowhere did I feel as out of place. When you're a guest at someone's place, you expect that certain someone to stay by your side(for a major chunk of the time) during the short stint(of time) that you are there(in this case, 4hrs)....Isn't this the norm, the way things are supposed to be in the civilized world. But what I saw there was something different. The host, who stayed along with two others(and had two regular visitors then at their place then....and I knew none of them before hand) expected me to like gel in with the group on my own. Reluctant to do something that I'm not used to doing, I kept mum for most of the time, keeping meaningless chatter to the minimal and just watched the television for most of the time(yea, they had a TV with cable :D). Yea, the host had to divide attention amongst the two other visitors and me, but the division dint exactly work in my favour.

Was it expected of me to open-up to the whole bunch there and do instant-socializing? Is this the new norm? Have I missed a few decades of evolution here? Has there been a progressive shift in the train of social thought? I have been living in urban India all my life, so I guess I should have caught up with any trend that has started. For instance, no one uses email anymore, its all orkut and facebook. Its all debit and credit cards, no more cheques and DDs and plain cash.Its all DVDs and blue-rays, no more CDs and floppies.....I've managed to keep up with most of the trends. I wonder how I missed this one.hmmm....May be I'm just crazy.

67. b-skool cartoon strip - 2

I thought I'd start V-day on a rebellious note. So posting some more of my insane cartoon strips.

                            Class Birthday Fund

             Dare to think !

                      The ideal b-skool interview

  
A life

Priceless

66. Survival versus Morality

A scene from the movie 'My fair lady'. 


Mr.Dolittle is Eliza's father(a labourer who is seldom able to make both ends meet), while Colonel Pickering is the one(along with Higgins) who wants to give Eliza lessons in phonetics so that she can live like a lady and commands respect. In this respect, he wants to keep Eliza in his home for 6 months, and is having a conversation with her father regarding this issue. 


 Mr.Dolittle : If you want the girl, I ain't so set on 'avin' her home again.......but what I might be open to is an arrangement. All I ask is my rights as a father.You're the last man alive to expect me to let her go for nothing. I can see you'rea straight sort, Governor. So...what's a five pound note to you? An' what's Eliza to me?


Mr.Pickering : I think you should know, Doolittle...that Mr. Higgins' intentions are entirely honorable.   
                   
Mr.Dolittle : Of course they are, Governor.If I thought they wasn't, I'd ask for  50.   
                   
Mr.Pickering : You mean, you'd sell your daughter for pounds? Have you no morals, man?   
                   
Mr.Dolittle : No, I can't afford 'em, Governor. Neither could you if you was as poor as me.Not that I mean   any 'arm, but......if Eliza is gonna have a bit out o' this, why not me, too? Why not? Look at it my way. What am l?I ask ya, what am l? I'm one o' the undeserving poor, that's what I am. Think what that means to a man. It means he's up against middle-class morality for all the time.If there's anything goin' an' I ask for a bit of it, it's always the same story: '"You're undeservin', so you can't have it.'" But my needs is as great as the most deservin' widows that ever got money......out of six different charities in one week for the death o' the same 'usband. I don't need less than a deservin' man, I need more. I don't eat less 'earty than he does and I drink...a lot more.I'm playin' straight with you. I ain't pretendin' to be deservin'. No, I'm undeservin'......and I mean to go on bein' undeservin'.I like it an' that's the truth. But will you take advantage of a man's nature......do him out of the price of his own daughter, what he's brought up......fed and clothed by the sweat of his brow......till she's growed big enough to be interestin' to you two gentlemen? Is five pounds unreasonable, I put it to you? And I leave it  to you.




This tells us a lot about morality and survival. The poor cant afford to have morals. Survival is their basic instinct.I particularly found this issue interesting coz I am having a course on ethics right now, and I am always at a fix while deciding what is right and what is not. But this case makes it clear cut. Survival is the biggest driving force, ethics and morality have to take a back seat. Hell, we procreate so that our gene survives even after we expire. Te miracle of life is meant to be celebrated. But if we are in no position to continue living, then being ethical and dying is not the answer. Be smart, greedy, selfish, stealthy. Or as James Bond once said, 'Live today, to die another day'.

65. Women

A stand-up bit done by Jerry. Hilarious to say the least.

JERRY(at the night-club) :  I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, OK? I, I, I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little...everything they do is subtle...men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it!...It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far.

The car-horn-honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks: [imitates horn] e-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh, this man is out of ideas. How does it...? [imitates horn again] e-e-e-eeeehhhh, "I don't think she likes me"

The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we. Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. "Where ever women are?", we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene...That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.

64. Investment

This is something Jerry Seinfeld said in 1990, which in the wake of this liquidity crisis seems so true and common-sensical. 

JERRY: I'm not an investor. People always tell me, you should have your money working for you. I've decided I'll do the work. I'm gonna let the money relax. You know what I mean? 'Cause you send your money out there - working for you - a lot of times, it gets fired. You go back there, "What happened? I had my money. It was here, it was working for me." "Yeah, I remember your money. Showing up late. Taking time off. We had to let him go."

63. The un-said

What's left unsaid stays in the mind and haunts us from time to time. And as more and more things are left unsaid, the clutter builds up, increasing the levels of mental unrest.

This gyaan from a movie called 'Little Manhattan', a really cute little story about a 10-year old new yorker's first love.

Come to think of it, there is always a lot that's left unsaid. Unless everything goes right, we do tend to not say the intended, as it is bound to sound out of place. Sometimes, the unsaid gets said, under unforseen circumstances. Lets look at some ways in which the unsaid somehow gets said (atleast in the movies).

Alcohol
The reason why alcohol probably is a major success world-over, is coz it helps you to get over your inhibitions and say the unsaid. Most daring of confessions happen after a few large pegs of whisky sink in.

Time
Time kills, Time heals, Time keeps ticking away. Lack of time puts one in a position to reveal or say something that could have waited for a wee bit longer otherwise. Time is a tricky thing, people make promises without taking into account, it's unpredictable nature. When the girl is gonna be gone for a while, the guy gets very limited time, so he feels that he needs to change to the 'fast-forward' mode so as to take the relationship to the next stage.

Family
The most influential social group, these people can at times also be the ones who push you to your limits, which makes you say things which you'd always wanted to but never intended to.

Messengers/Letters
What cant be said is sometimes written or typed. Letters are a much safer option, since its one-sided. Saying the unsaid on the messengers can create quite a weird situation. Suppose the unsaid is said, then there'll be some discussion on the topic. One person may be more eager than the other for an answer, building up anxiety and frustration. Typing speeds are never good when complicated issues are handled. So the sender takes his/her own sweet time thinking of the right words while the reciever waits at the other end staring at the 'sender123 is typing...' message on top of the sender's chat window. What messes up the situation further is if one of the two get disconnected due to a network failure or a power failure, which in our country is a daily occurence.

Ok, so much for the reasons. Why do we have things left unsaid ? The right place and the right time always elude the right dialogue. We later ponder over the timing and the content of the dialogue that had to be delivered. We evaluate the merit of not having said a thing with the consequences if we had said it. Psychologists make a living out of hearing the unsaid. What we cant tell to the rest of the world, we tell to our shrink.  The shrink is a 'you' outside yourself. They wont tell you what's right or wrong, rather, they'll help you weigh your options and take better decisions. If the mind is stable enough, one can assume the shrink's role oneself, cant one ?

Ok, this one's gone haywire, lets just leave the rest of the clutter in my mind for the time being. Some things have to be unsaid right :)

This article is put up on  - www.themag.in

62. Slumdog Millionaire

The movie starts off with Jamal(Dev Patel, our slumdog err protagonist) being tortured in a jail cell. The belief is that this young chai-wallah cheats on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire'(hosted by Anil Kapoor) and answers all the quesitons right, which makes him a slumdog millionaire overnight. The lives and hardships in the slums of Bombay have been captured in some great sequences, as we run through Jamal's childhood in the flashback (for those of you who dint know this, Dharavi is Asia's biggest slum). How Jamal gets to know of the answers for the questions is cleverly intertwined while describing his past. He gets on the show not to win the millions, but to get a chance to be seen by his long-lost childhood love Lathika(played by Freida Pinto).

The child protagonists (Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail and Ayush Mahesh Khedekar) are splendidly natural, the first quarter of the movie is by-far the most gripping. The movie has those distinct 'Danny Boyle trademark' moments and they hit the bullseye each time. The plot does have some holes, and gets a bit too Bollywoodish at times. The ten year olds start speaking about destiny, join mob gangs rather effortlessly and also manage to find and pull Lathika(Freida) out of the red-light area with great ease. Anil Kapoor does a great job playing the smug show host. He brings with him an air of sophistication, pomp and snobbery to the show.

The mellifluous background scores splendidly blend in with the screenplay, cant believe that Subhash Ghai rejected the 'O Sara' OST for his Yuvraj(I can spell it only this way, am sorry, i dont type extra unnecessary alphabets). The Danny Boyle - John Hodge pair would have handled this subject better and made it more impactful than it already is. Its high time they re-join as a team and bring to us another marvel like 'The Beach'. Trainspotting still is Danny Boyle's best movie till date. Slumdog comes a close third, after "The Beach'. 

This article is put up on  - www.themag.in