108. Nick names

One very innocuous yet effective way to form a connect with someone is by giving him/her a nick-name. Since there's invariably something unusual about them, nick names have an amazing recall power embedded in them. The nicks may be born out of a situation or out of a personality trait or just out of the wicked genius of an idle mind. Some nicks connect so well that the actual name takes a back seat in memory. The person is forever remembered by that nick.

Well, here's some of the nicks I've had in the past. Some mild, some funny and some downright weird. 

Chachi 420

Lets say that this was the first serious long-lasting nick that I was bestowed with. Dates way back to high school. This nick evolved from a very lame initial nick called Abdul. I was called Abdul based on the WWF wrestler Abdullah(coz I was very roly poly like him). Slowly, Abdul gave way to Abdul Chacha. And then along came Kamal Hasan with the Bollywood remake of Mrs.Doubtfire. And I've been called Chachi by my school folks ever since.

Bai babu

The credit for this one goes solely to Pope. Its brutal coz its a gult slang word for a 'boob'. Rhymed with my first name and that's all it took. What made it even worse was Pope's fascination with the word 'bai'. Of the few things that he did like during the 4 years in college, using the word 'bai' in every other sentence ranks right among the top things in the list. And so this name caught on like anything. Its only 'Annayya' who gave it a twist by calling me 'bhai', sort of like 'little brother' to the big brother(Annayya). A little brother who got everything in OC, right from his T-shirts to his toothpaste.

Sad face 

A lady at the workplace gave me this name. She'd say that I always had this perennially sad/knocked-out expression whenever she'd come over to talk about work. It took me some time and convincing to tell her that it was the work that made me sad and not her presence. I feel she never bought it #Facepalm

George Bussss

A classic case of a gaming name gone bad. George Bussss was so unusual a nick that it caught on like wildfire. It had this snake-hiss kinda sound to it. I was doomed the day it was coined.

aK

A gaming name that went well with every1 in the computer lab. aK was second only to '56' and 'CoL.Fr0D' (and 'Pasta' and 'Phoenix' and 'CMToTo' and 'Necksmasher'...but not 'Fakeshadow' :p). I miss CS. Those were fun times.

A.Raja

Got this name at the workplace last year. When expanded, has to be read as 'Anubhavinchu Raja'. Its based on this song from the 70s which urges you to experience life and live it to the fullest. Why I got this name was coz I was pretty much living the dream all day everyday last year.Nice phase it was. Here's the song link - Anubhavinchu Raja

Shaani munji

Translates to 'shit face' or 'dung face'. It so happened that when I was a really small kid, I'd called an uncle with the same name. Mom and dad were red-faced and were all set to gimme the blasting of my life. But the thoughtful uncle took it sportingly and made light weather out of it. However, since then, he started addressing me with the same nick. Small price to pay when compared to getting hammered at home for bad behavior.

Naarad Muni 

During my 2 b-skool years, had this notorious reputation of being the inter and intra-batch gossip library(I shared this reputation with another great 'man'). Had also been tagged as a 'gossip queen' in an fb pic(I think the tag still exists). And who better than 'Naarad Muni' to signify my word-of-mouth marketing prowess. I consider this as an achievement no second to being the class/batch topper :p

Shree Krishna ki Vijay

More of a slogan than a nick name. But this one was brutal coz it tried to link me to a girl in the batch. Wanna know how.Just say it aloud a couple of times. And if you still don't get it, call me and I'll tell you :)

Its been a bumpy yet funny ride until now. Am positive that there are many more colorful nick names yet to be created and added to this impressive list. Fingers crossed.

107. Summer in the 90s

Some trivia to begin with. The word 'summer' actually comes from combining the Latin terms 'sum' meaning total and 'mer' meaning light.


Its actually been quite a while since I spent an entire summer in Hyderabad. I'd lived the first 16 years of my life in Hyd(school and Intermediate here only). Ever since, I've had a  vagabond-ish existence (over the last 8 to 9 years). Its been quite an experience living in so many different places. Now that I've moved back to Hyd (courtesy an amazing job change that was initially frowned upon by all and sundry), it almost feels like I've gone back in time. 


The last time I'd spent a summer in Hyderabad was in 2003. Cruel heat, cruel-er engineering college entrance examinations and relentless peer-pressure. Anyone who has prepared for IIT-JEE in AP knows what I am talking about. 


However, sans that particular summer, the ones prior to that one were totally memorable. Summer meant morning schools, exams, vacations, gully cricket, holiday homework, movies, swimming, Monopoly, tennis, and wearing total-ventilation-garments(the banian-chaddi existence) all day. Summer meant two months of carefree existence coupled with aeons of time to kill. 


The beginning of summer was always marked by the bright morning light right from 6 AM. Being a light-sleeper, I'd wake up with the first jolt of bright light. The morning air would feel different. The TV shows would change. The drinking water timings would change(filling water was my chore, coz i was pretty useless otherwise). Morning school would start off courtesy board examinations for class X.


Morning school was like the unofficial end of the year. We all knew it. We just had the exams in our way. In our way to two months of bliss. Exams also meant exam-pad cricket after an exam got over(if the next day was a holiday). 


It was that anticipation that made life interesting back then. The sign of good things to come. And the best part about the summer break was that it never disappointed. It always arrived on time. And always got along with it, loads of time to chill and while away. Summer camp, swimming classes, plastic-ball cricket, board games, WWF on TV, Video Games,Hollywood flicks, novels and relative visits - summarized a typical summer. 


Having a source of anticipation makes living easier. And although I don't have the summer break to look forward to, I'll have to figure out ways to enjoy the summer to come. Here's to another Hyderabadi summer that I shall conquer. Three cheers.

106. One handed on Valentine's eve

After having a great January, it was but natural that Feb would bring me back to the ground. Fell off my vehicle for the 1st time. No one's fault, it was just pure unadulterated shitty luck. My right side(right palm to right toe) is writhing in pain, my right palm has a red sun in it as I speak. Have been living one handed for the last couple of days now. This experience is teaching me to appreciate my erstwhile two handed life. With bruises on the right hand and a tetanus injection after-effect on the left, life's been amazing off late. Having a one handed bath dodging all the lacerated areas is like climbing the Everest upside down. Super tough and taxing :s

And all this happening on the eve of Valentine's. I couldn't have timed the fall better I feel.  Not that I had gr8 chances of getting a date this Valentine's(or on any Valentine's as a matter of fact). But I wish to believe that miracles can happen, even with me.

This is my first (and maybe only) one-handed post. Yea, typed all this with my left. Dedicating this to an old one-sided valentine who herself was/is a furious one-handed typer.

And to all my fellow readers(me, the mosquito on the monitor and the lizard near the fan), here's wishing you all a very happy Valentine's day in advance.

ps: Beware of Shiv Sainiks. Or better yet, dress up as one so that they don't trouble you :p

pps : Had written one post on Valentine's day back in 2006 (a bit amateurish must say). Here it is - http://abbchris.blogspot.in/2006/02/heart-shaped-wonders.html

105. The last week of Jan 2012

The last week of Jan 2012 has been one with a lot movement, both physically and professionally.

On the personal front, have finished 10k kilometers on my TVS Wego in the last 1 year(started driving it on Jan 1st 2011). For someone who dint know how to drive a vehicle, doing 10,000 kms in a year is kind of commendable(am doing self-dabba here :P)

I've lost 5 kilos in 1 month courtesy a change in diet and lots of exercise.

Professionally, 27th Jan marks my 1 year anniversary in the company I am currently working in. This is the first time that I've stayed in a firm for 1 whole year. The previous attempts were 6 and 8 months(not even close). So I am giving myself a pat on the back for this. Cracking interviews is one thing, staying put in the company is another.

Was given my first appraisal ever. Was given a gr8 job rating at my workplace(CRR 1), which was unexpected but I shall take it as a good sign for the things to look for in future.

Additionally, I've also been promoted. So now I have a new job title to boast about.

After weeks and months of relative inactivity, the last week of Jan has been a refreshing one with only positive happenings all over.

Am hoping that February follows suit. Fingers crossed.

104. 26*

Well, its been 365 days since I wrote this - 25*

Contrary to the year before, this year was more about doing the basics right. Not much in terms of exploring uncharted territories or doing different things or doing things differently. It was in more ways than one, an effort to 'settle' down ('settle' does sound cliche but am using it for the lack of being able to find a better word)

Had had a nomadic existence for the last 8 years(2003 to 2010) (not counting this one). When I say nomadic, I mean staying away from home and doing the 'lets go home' routine at regular time intervals. And apart from the usual 'home and back' travel, have also had the chance to go visit so many places with different sets of people(mostly friends & co-workers). This was a progression from nomadic existence to settlement living(following the footsteps of the 'Early man' about whom we read in our Social Studies books)

This year was more about re-discovering HYDERABAD, my hometown. Yes, I'd lived my first 15-16 years here (before leaving for my educational pilgrimage to Gujju land) but had not done as much loafing around during that time. It was all about going to school daily and studying hard and taking extra coaching classes and playing gully cricket for some respite from all the educational brouhaha. Have done a whole lot of 'in the city' travel in the last one year(8400 kms on my TVS Wego :D) and am absolutely loving every minute/kilometer of it.

It was also about shifting from a high-pressure job which promised the elusive 'career growth' to a low/no pressure one which promised a decent lifestyle from day 1.

Its also been a year when I have not had to plan my trips to home(coz I m already there). Its been a double bonanza of sorts, because I'm earning more than ever before and spending lesser on travel than ever before.

Its also been a year full of activity on the personal front. Have donated good amounts to charity, invested in cosmetics(and used 'em), caught up with a lot of old friends and relatives, investing my money(yea hav enuf of it to invest), making many new acquaintances and establishing a work-life balance by living healthy(morning walks, diets and meditation). These were things I'd forgotten about when I was a part of the 'career growth' race. I realized how dumb I was to forgo so many simple pleasures in exchange for something which I may or may not get eventually.

I would have loved to have shed a few pounds though, which I haven't been able to do.  But there's always time to make a new beginning. And today seems as good a day as any other. Let the pound shedding begin(once the cake+chocolates+sweets inventory is exhausted :p)  

103. Superstitions and Westernization

When our forefathers(and mothers) thought and decided on a certain set of rules & regulations that have to be followed for harmonious living, they could only think within the boundaries of what they could observe. While some of the rules they made stood the test of time, the others started losing relevance(like people who don't age gracefully, rapidly lose importance, like Britney Spears) as societies progressed and people evolved(at least they think they evolved). We started calling these rules as 'superstitions'.

Now up until the prev. generation, people were all OK with following these superstitions. They kinda took it in their stride and dint find it too taxing or troublesome to ever raise a strong voice against it. And then along came 1991(just like in every other MBA presentation) and changed the way Gen X, Gen Y and Gen Next do things. Things changed rapidly. Westernization was the order of the day.

We started to ape the West in every which way possible. I remember, when the 'show the middle-finger' phenomenon was relatively new, I'd seen a  few people show the 'ring' finger too (maybe they thought that they could raise any one of those three longer fingers between the thumb and the little one, two fingers which already had symbolic Indian meanings, namely 'the urge to drink water' and 'the urge to go take a piss')

While so much was going on, our superstitions remained as they were, unable to tide the 'crossover' effect. And this is where many of them took a funny turn as well. A supposedly western way of living juxtaposed with the age-old Indian way brings up many hilarious/awkward situations. Wondering how ? Here's how.

Superstition #1 Don't step on the vermillion-garnished lemon-chill-strung-together combo(meant to ward off demons) when you go out. Just walk past it without stepping on it.

Now this can be done when someone is walking at a speed of 3-4 kmph. (Walking must've been the only mode of transport when this superstition was coined. And no one likes stepping on lemon+chilly when one is walking bare foot because it burns like crazy.) Try avoiding a lemon-chilli on the road when you're in your Ducati/Pulsar/watever zipping through at a speed of 100+ kmph. You can't. You do step on it. At least I can't avoid it even on my TVS Wego (yea its got 'body balance', but still). And if you are one of those who doesn't want to take the risk of the "ire of the superstition", you will go and tell this at home. And an elaborate set of rituals and poojas(on your foot) will ensue. And your feet will never look or feel or smell the same ever again.

Superstition #2 Once you've attended a funeral, you should enter your house from behind and not from the front

This may have had relevance back in the pre-historic era where the 'well'(source of water) was generally in the backyard. But asking me to enter my flat (which only has one entrance) from behind whenever I come back after attending a funeral basically translates to asking me to do a Spider-man (enters his room from the window each time he slips out to fight crime) each time.

Superstition #3 Hang a pumpkin outside the house before you move into it for the first time.

Now, my landlord is a Roman Catholic who had fixed a cross above the entry door when he was living in that apartment. If I go ahead and hang a pumpkin in front of the cross, I'm afraid that the Christ figurine on that cross may re-use the famous dialogue from the movie 'Vennela' - "Pumpkin akka, jara pakkaki jarugutaava. Prapancham kanipistaledu" (Please move, I am not able to see the universe)

Superstition #4 Cutting/Trimming the finger nails

Well, this rage comic(my creation only) manages to capture the gist of the 'timing the nail cutting' phenomenon. (its the same for hair cutting also)

Superstition 5# If a black cat crosses your path, your task will not be completed and bad luck will befall on you

Well, it must have taken millions of black cats to cross so many people's paths with the way the economic recession has spread bad luck the world over. There's so much talk of bad lucka round nowadays. Its come to a point where if a human crosses a black cat's path, its task will not be completed coz it will be jinxed by the human (and not the other way around).

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And the list goes on and on. All contributions to this list are welcome. I am sure there are many more interesting superstitions out there which have to be captured :)

PS: Have written this on a lighter note. Please don't get offended. Just having some fun at the superstition's expense(as it has had at my expense all my life).

102. Banality

When banality and triteness are the predominantly experienced feelings, then its a clear indicator that you're on the other side of life, the drearier side. Yea, ppl might come up and say "You're just 25, your whole life is ahead of you." Well to be frank, its the other way round. I'm of the firm opinion that mankind goes in pursuit of elusive things like happiness and 'true love' companionship only after it realizes that there's nothing else left to do in this lifetime. Hunting for ways and means to fill the void, all in the pursuit of the elusive emotion 'happy-ness'.

And coupled with banality and triteness comes sarcasm, their evil half-brother counterpart. Everything seems funny, albeit due to anger over the prevailing irrationality in and around you.

The urge to set things right, to scream and shake things up is long gone. There's a prevailing calm. Withdrawal from everything materialistic is the probable forecast for the near future. Naturally, this gets supplemented with an aggressive interest in religion and abstract topics like time and evolution.

ps : Just wrote what came to mind. No event trigger for this one. This aint exactly a rant either. Its more of a transient state of mind. One you get when you're nearing another b'day :s

101. The Braggable List

Preparing bucket lists has become a fad nowadays (thanks partially to Jack Nicholson in the movie 'The Bucket  List' and its sadly remade Hindi version as well.) I for one am not endowed with the ability to think so far and think so much either. What I do wanna do in response to these bucket lists is prepare an own list of mine. I call it the 'Braggable List'.

The idea is pretty simple. Do anything that can be bragged about in front of your friends or family or even random ppl on the street. It can range from using up an entire bottle of Iodex spray on an imaginary sprain that you thought you had(but actually did not according to the doc) to flirting with an old flame (who is married now) to wearing a  different sock on each foot when u're headed to give a presentation to reusing a Domino's discount coupon for the 138th time to peeing on a Harley Davidson when the owner is not around.It can be banal, value-less and gibberish in every way. But its gotto be braggable, that's all.

When you make your Bucket List, if you intend to add a banal activity to it and you happen to tell ppl about it, you risk the chance of being perceived as shallow(coz its ur final list, one for this lifetime), which you don't want to be perceived as, so you'll strike that banal activity off your list, which you should not, coz its you frikkin list, but you will, coz you're a scared timid society-conforming creature.

The best thing about this list is you don't need to have any inhibitions when you prepare the list. You can add whatever you like to brag about. And you can have many lists. Unlike the 'Bucket List' which has to be just the one list and has to be thoughtful and full of meaning and groovy too, the 'Braggable List' is much more chilled out and does not require you to rack your brains as much. Life is too short to spend a half of it to create a thoughtful list and the other half to edit it so that it looks socially acceptable in every sense. The best thing about bragging is that anything can be made to sound cool and groovy as long as its bragged about in the right way. The people around you are as insecure about their shallow lives and as scared of death as you are, but its your brag tales that makes them think that you have it all figured out(which you have not but creating a confident impression always works.)

So people, go ahead and make your Braggable Lists and start working on them. If you change your mind on a list after sometime, make another and work on that one. Or just brag about the one you already made, coz creating this list is a braggable activity in itself :)

100. Proust questionnaire

The Proust Questionnaire is a questionnaire about one's personality. Its name and modern popularity as a form of interview is owed to the responses given by the French writer Marcel Proust - source Wikipedia


I figured that I'd do at 25 what Proust did at 13 and 20, which is answer this questionnaire. Not a bad way to commemorate 6 years of blogging(credit goes to a special someone who asked me to start writing in the first place)


Your most marked characteristic?
Easy-going fun lover, Clumsy and humorous


The quality you most like in a man?
Composure, sense of purpose


The quality you most like in a woman?
Effervescence, Enchantment


What do you most value in your friends?
They add greatly to my understanding of the universe.


What is your principle defect?
I build castles in the air. All planning and no execution.


What is your favorite occupation?
I like to read snippets about random anythings. 


What is your dream of happiness?
Happiness for me is momentary. And I can conjure up many such moments which would be equally delightful. But in the spirit of the question, I shall say that I dream to do something substantial for underprivileged kids and dream of attaining happiness once I've done that (which I may or may not attain)


What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
Losing your loved ones. 


What would you like to be?
Thin


In what country would you like to live?
From all that I've seen, I think Germany


What is your favorite color?
Turquoise. I'll fall for any girl wearing anything turquoise. Its that a brilliant color


What is your favorite flower?
Cauliflower


What is your favorite bird?
The Bat. Its such a fragile yet scary mammal


Who are your favorite prose writers?
John Grisham, Khaled Hosseini, Nicholas Nassim Taleb 


Who are your favorite poets?
Kabirdas, Vemana, Alfred Lord Tennyson 


Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Spiderman. Kudos to Stan Lee for creating an amazing character


Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Abby Mcdeere from 'The Firm' and Reggie Love from 'The Client'


Who are your favorite composers?
A.R.Rahman, Hans Zimmer, Illayaraja, Eric Clapton, Rammstein


Who are your favorite painters?
Don't really follow art. But the two Karthik(s) I know are brilliant. (Karthik Talloju and PSK Kartheek)


Who are your heroes in real life?
All the lone crusaders behind lost causes - Irom Sharmila for instance


Who are your favorite heroines of history?
Golda Meir 


What are your favorite names?
Recently, I've been given the name A.Raja, which is an abbreviated form for 'Anubhavinchu Raja' (a classic song title from the 70s)


What is it you most dislike?
high handedness


What historical figures do you most despise?
Aurangazeb, Cornvallis 


What event in military history do you most admire?
Little Boy and Fat man


What reform do you most admire?
The RTI Act 2005 


What natural gift would you most like to possess?
To never age :p I need more time to see the world


How would you like to die?
I wouldn't like it any which way


What is your present state of mind?
Pensive


To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
Gluttony. I eat like there's no tomorrow sometimes. I think every man should have two stomachs, one internal and one external (pluggable like an external HDD)


What is your motto?
Live within limited means

99. My vehicle, yen vandi, meri gaadi, naa bandi

Riding a vehicle was always a very big deal for me. Simply because I'd never done it ever before. You may argue its not a big deal anymore since most of you would have learnt how to ride a bike when you were in high school(some even in primary school). But for me, it was. Up until high school, the APSRTC was good enuf to get me to school and back home. And after that, staying in a hostel pretty much dint require me to learn the art of driving since there were many others who knew how to. I belonged to the urban minority who dint know how to drive anything(even a bullock cart).

And our gender-bender society is such that it only expects all its men folk to have this skill. Women folk are exempted. They have their boyfriends or 'just friends' who are ever ready to take them out on their vehicles. Talk about gender equality, no equality in this case.

Anyways, Abhay Krishna did not know how to drive a vehicle, especially a 2 wheeler for the first 25 years of his existence. Nothing to be proud of, but that is how it was. A notion that I would never ever learn to ride a bike was getting deep-rooted in my head. One's inability to do something feeds on itself, grows in size in the mind until it eventually becomes so gigantic that it cannot be uprooted at all.

When I told this to my zonal head in Idea Cellular, he laughed. How was I supposed to work as a sales guy without owning a vehicle. It was insane. Well, certain things change for the better, however late. Lemme put it in question answer form to be convenient.

Q. After so many years, how did you suddenly get the motivation to learn driving ?
Ans: It was as sudden as the increase in the pressure from my zonal head, asking me to get more and more sales numbers from my territory. My boss wanted numbers. I wanted to hear lesser gaalis. This was the only way out. Sad but true.

Q. When did you learn how to drive a 2 wheeler ?
Ans: New Year's Eve. Dec 31st 2010. Wanted to start off the new year with a bang. While the whole city was busy consuming alcohol and puking all over public spaces, I for one was driving my 2 wheeler in the lanes and by lanes of a fairly quiet colony. Now I drive pretty well. Almost 6k kms done. Am a reformed man.

Q. Why TVS Wego ? Why not an Activa or a Pulsar or a Yamaha ?
Ans: Good question. Having never driven one before, I wanted to go for a more hassle free and quick to learn kind of vehicle. And I was told by my sales colleagues that scooters were better when it came to driving thru narrow lanes in villages during the sales call. The Activa was on top of my mind but that was the case with hundreds of others as well. It had a lead time of 8 months (festival season, so many bookings had been done at that time). The sales guy told me that he could only get me this vehicle in 2 weeks. And it was 9k lesser than Activa. I said yes. By the time I got my vehicle, I had quit the sales job. So that is the story in short.

Q. How was the first ride on the main road ?
Ans: Scary, downright scary. I was driving at 20-25 kmph and even cycle fellows overtook me. (I still don't go over 50 kmph :p)

Its been 8 months since I started driving the Wego. And its been 8 scary and cautious but eventful and glorious months. From not knowing how to ride a bike to getting a recent compliment from a friend that I am a safe bet when it comes to driving, I have come a long way :)

I don't leave the house 2 hours in advance to get to a far out place anymore. I don't carry change in my pocket for the bus ticket anymore. I make it to many more events now and I make it on time as well. Agreed that driving is no pleasant experience in Hyderabad, but I'm having fun. I still enjoy the cool breeze that hits my balding forehead whenever I hit the accelerator on my Wego. Little joys, I'm still a kid.

There are two morals to be imbibed from this short story (especially for those of you who are yet to learn the two wheeler)


1. Don't wait until its too late. This is true for anything in life. Its better to take the 'leap of faith' early. (Otherwise you'd have to do it under pressure later, like I had to learn the vehicle)


2. Look for motivations to complete a task(learning to drive in this case), rather than waiting for the motivation to come and look for you (the boss in my case). Hell, if someone as paranoid as me could do it, you surely can do it.

ps : That's how my vehicle looks. Nothing too fancy but it does the job. And keeps me happy :)

98. Cubicles and ogre chicks

This post is an extension of the basic idea presented in an older post of mine - Cubicles and cute chicks

Well, this is my second stint in the world of cubicles. It feels good being back. The plush offices, the food courts, the pretty ppl, the carpeted floors...am loving it all. Although, there were some things that dint go well with me during my first stint in this arena (its been 4 years since). One of 'em was the constant annoyance created by the men folk who'd crowd around a semi-cute looking girl's desk(yes, she was a girl, barely a major) who happened to sit right next to me in the cubicle.

If you've read the earlier post(which I think you shud), you would know that the person I was referring to as 'Phoolan' was the semi-cute chick who used to sit to my right in the office cubicle. My current cubicle situation is not very different. I'm the only member of the stronger sex in that cube. To my right is the team lead, vastly experienced, married and has the answers to all your questions(ahem...I mean technical questions). To her right is another senior team member who is so busy coding and scheduling meetings that she hardly ever stares outside of the 14' screen in front of her. To her right(and to my immediate left) is the apple of my eye, the bump of my nose, the shit remains of my slippers: the ogre chick 'Fiona', the new joinee fresh out of college.

Now if I tell you that Phoolan was a fairy-tale version of what Fiona is, you'd think that I am exaggerating. But that is so not the case. Here are the reasons.

The male entourage

On the one hand, Phoolan did have her male entourage, but they were just a regular bunch of despo guys salivating at the sight of a semi cute chick. On the other hand, Fiona has her male posse which comprises of the retarded yo-man-i-dont-know-why-i-show-up-like-a-dick dude, the guy with the my-chest-has-to-be-1 meter-ahead-of-the-rest-of-my-body-at-all-times kind of walking style, the giggle-o who always giggles screechingly no matter what and the boil-faced fellow ogre who gives guest appearances at times. So there we have it - Retarded Dude (RD), Chest Man(CM), Giggle-o (GG) and Boil face (BF)...this is Fiona's posse. Its a noisy, filthy and uncouth collection of uncivil neanderthals. Imagine a Skeletor or a Gollum trying to flirt with a creature who is equally as bizarre(say an Ursula or a Cruella)  in an even more bizarre manner. Welcome to my world :( 

The chick

Phoolan was pretty, at least semi-cute. She had a rising smile and she knew how to carry herself around the salivating mongrels. And I haven't told this ever before, but she also had a sweet voice. Now Fiona is like Phoolan's mirror image(only if the mirror is dipped in dirt and taken out of Retarded Dude's ass). Ok, she's not pretty. Nowhere close to that even. She's got a pigmented face, pigmented teeth and mutant body odor. She doesn't talk, she brays. She doesn't whisper, she brays. She doesn't gesture to call someone, she brays. Her voice box is a cross between MTV's Udham Singh and Times Now's Arnab Goswami (sad that this voice box had to be given to a woman). Guys at the other end of the floor have asked me about the donkey-like brays being heard from near my cube(It's Fiona on the desk phone talking sweet-nothings to one of her entourage members). I've told them that it must be the faulty electrical wiring that's making the funny noises.(But I know sooner or later that they'll find out and make fun of my pathetic condition)

Work Load
Phoolan used to remain engrossed in her work and she knew how to use her work as a weapon to ward off unnecessary advances from the despo kings. But Fiona has no work. Nor does any of her irritating posse members. And from the looks of it, she doesn't even want any work. She seems pretty content braying on her desk phone all day picking calls from her group of followers.

The support

There used to be times when the older guys in the cube would take a harsh stand and ward off the despo guys away from Phoolan's desk. This used to happen once in a while, but it was a very important sanity check for all of us to remain normal. But over here, the other women folk of the cube have not done their bit to try and stop this animal. That is because they themselves engage in excessive low-volume banter from time to time. And I'm like the only silent sufferer bearing all this on a daily basis. 

Presence of mind
At times, Phoolan would get the negative vibe from the cube and she'd then decide to shift the action to the cafeteria or any other place far away from the cube. But Fiona, being the new and un-groomed ogre that she is, is yet to learn the tricks of the trade. And we're all hoping that she learns 'em soon, so that we all can be spared of the daily harassment that she and her entourage are putting us through nowadays.

I need a raise because I am working in such exceptional work conditions :)