15. Result : FAILED !!!!

Here ‘s the deal. The girl you like, so much so that you spent sleepless nights over preparing lines to say to her whenever you meet her the next time. No, these lines are not the special proposal lines or the cuddly wuddly flirty lines, but the absolutely normal non-reasoning-conversation-builder lines, because you stutter and your mind goes blank when you see her. Writing stuff down and memorizing them, just so that when you meet her next, you make the conversation worthwhile, because you hardly get to meet her c/o your hectic schedule. Never did you prepare so much even for the toughest of your examinations, you may never have encountered exam fear, but this is nothing like that. The “damsel in front - inability to yap” syndrome is not so uncommon, but the way you handle it is like the most peculiar way in which it will ever be handled :P . You like her beyond reason, want to see her smile, want her to give you some attention and all the exam preparation is in view of passing this “All Clear Test”. The test is called so, because if you pass the test, you are given the “all clear” signal to fly in the skies of infinite bliss and happiness, unaware of anything else going on with the world.

But this test is far more complicated than you think it is. Any exam will have a certain timing, a fixed paper pattern, previous year’s papers (they are a BIG help ;) ) but here, there’s no clue as to when the test will start, you can call it a POP-test, coz the ‘femme fatale’ can POP up right in front of you at any moment. Forget about the fixed paper pattern, as for the previous year’s papers, haven’t found others who have written this test before (earnestly hope someone who reads this actually has taken it , plzzzzzz ).

So, you sleep at day break, wake up at sunset , have a headache coz of the irregular and excess sleep, rush to the mess to get some coffee to clear all the clogs in the head. You pay for the coffee at the counter, take the cup of hot brew-aroma spewing Nescafe and turn around to see HER. She’s right in front, so close in fact that you start shivering. A sip from the Styrofoam cup would have helped to calm the nerves a little, but she gives you no time.

She : What do I do to get my passport made? I want to write GRE in September, what all should I do to get my passport made?

You : uhhh…..hmmmm…..a passport ? hmmmm….uhhhh

She : jaldi bathao naaa…..

You keep scratching your head, trying to search for answers which don’t seem to come out, coz no part of the brain is working. You try to think of the various memorized lines and see whether any one fits the bill in this situation, but you get bowled. There’s no solution.

And then you blurt out – India ke bahaar jaana khai kya ?

She : Obviously, what an answer. Now tell me will you help me in getting my PP made?

You : I …..I…..I……don’t know anything about it…….ummmmm, I….I….may not be of much help……..u know……….

In the meantime, a friend of yours and hers comes by, he’s the guy with all the answers always. She catches hold of him and tells him about the PP issue.

The Friend : I am getting late to a meeting, but if you are ready to walk along with me uptil there, I can tell you the whole thingy in a precise and concise fashion. (What a loser, who talks like this.You are bloody angry with him, but as usual, stay silent)

She : Chalo, I have no other work anyway, will walk along with you. ‘Choooo chweet’ of you to help me. come lets go, you’ll get late otherwise. ( Damn, you hate it so much when someone else gets that kinda mushy praise, so wish it were you who'd be gettin that)

You : ummm…..uhhh………bye……… (did she even hear this ? )

And there you are, all cold, be it the coffee, or the mind, all gone numb. There she goes away again, leaving you pondering over what is it that should happen to make things work…..as usual, nothing comes to mind, you order another coffee and say “Life goes on”…………..

Hal ticket Number - IC – 302
POP-test no : 1038
Result : FAILED – This student should be put under probation and a special award has to be given to him because his outstanding score has been recorded in the “All time lowest scorers Hall of Fame”.