45. 'I dont have'

After two months of being in a new job in a new city, I was gonna have my first break. Was on my way to the bus station to board an APSRTC 'Hi-tech' semi-sleeper to goto Hyd(home sweet home). I made a brief halt at a stall outside the bus station to buy some mineral water and snacks for the trip. The moment i turned around to head for my bus, a beggar stood in my way. He had his palms stretched out and gave me the 'I am a poor guy, give me something' look.

In a hurry, I just told him - "Sorry, mere paas dene ke liye kuch nahin hai".("Sorry, I have nothing to give").To which he replied - "Kya saab, khaane ke liye khaana hai, peene ke liye paani hai, aur aap bolthe ho ki kuch nahin hai".("You have food to eat and water to drink, and you go on to tell me that you have nothing"). For a moment, I was stunned, but dint react and headed for the bus stop.

A few friends from another software company(read:Lynch-fosys) who were boarding another bus in the same station came to meet me.

Friend1 (f1) - You've not just put on weight, you've put on volume dude !
Me- Yea, one of the many plus points of being in a software job.
Friend 2 (f2) - Hows your job?
Me - Training just got over. They're screwing us so much and paying us so little.
f1 - Same here da. I am neck deep in debts.
Me - What did you do to get yourself into this mess.
f1 - Well, bought an iPod. A digi-cam for my sis, an MP3 player for my cousin and finally bought a bike for 60K.
f2 - Even I'm thinking of getting a Blackberry and a lappy soon.
Me - Oh my. and you say you're getting paid less.
f1 - Dont tell me that you dont have any such plans.
Me - Well yes. Have to fulfill a big wishlist that's waiting for me at home.
f1 - And you say you have 'very little'.

Even though that friend told the last line in passing, it really did ring a bell. Why did i crib about not getting paid well? Why could'nt i see the comforts that the new job had provided me with, the purchasing power that it gave me(I mean, it is after all,a 5 figure salary, even if its on the lower half of the lower side, it still is reasonable).

I get to Hyd, take an auto from the bus station. The afternoon traffic being on the high side, the auto had to move at a snail's pace for a long time. There was a huge traffic jam at a place, the reason for the jam was the installation of digital meters for all the autos in the city.

Me - Is there only one place in the city where this installation is being done?
Auto Driver (AD) - Hau saab. Look at the number of autos that are parked in and around the area. It took me two days to get a meter for my auto.
Me - That's very wrong. But its good in a way that proper digital meters are there in all autos.
AD - Kya saab. how much will an auto fellow cheat a customer with a tampered meter. 'Ek rupiye pe bees paise bhi nahin bantha saab'.
Me - At least you ppl speak of meters here. There in bangalore, its all flat rates. they charge such high rates and they wont take a customer if he's goin for a short distance.
AD - Wahi saab. Auto driving has become very cheap in people's eyes nowadays. Think of it from our perspective once. We never eat on time, we dont get to spend any time with our families, stand in queues all night at the gas filling stations. With the soaring petrol and gas prices, what will we get from the fare that you pay us by the meter. How do you think we should live without getting that little extra. And once I drop you off, you think i'll immediately get a customer. I'll surely have to go another 2-3 kilometers without a customer. How do you think we people should run families with lives like this saab....

These small conversations made me a have new perspective on what all 'I have' and have taken for granted thus far.

Reminds me of a line from a Phil Collins song - "Oh think twice. It's just another day for you and me in paradise."

44. A nick-flashback - 2

Well, this post is to prove that my creativity/sanity is still in place, that the assimilation programme(read: brainwashing) at my office has'nt corrupted my grey cells. Yes, it wont be as funny as the last one, coz of the absence of Jj's and Sj's, But it'll be worth the while. Lemme start off in a pious fashion, by giving another small tidbit about our very own Pope. This is what someone wrote abt him, picked it up from orkut.

Pope -

Good Thing : He's the only person who has no good thing abt him. So in a way, that's unique.

Bad Thing : Ok Guys the list is going to be a long one. ya i knw topic was abt only one bad thing but this guy sucks like hell.
1.) I mean for god sake's, Moorthy's post is above him and he replies with a post for Abhay Krishna. How GAY Is tht?
2.) This guy had something going with his last roomie Anil Mohan too, that's cheating ..having two partners ...right..
3.) Can't understand a damn word of wtf language he speaks. Can't understand his HIndi, engish or telegu. Where r u frm Praveen. Not from this planet at least.
4.) Biggest farter in the Coll. I mean guys are shiftin their room due to him.
5.) I dont think he has taken a bath since this year Techfest.
Chalo thts enough for now..

...........Nice way to begin a post na :)

Don - 'vasakolla', 'bengagaandu', 'academic representative', 'kanakam', 'konda naluka kostha', 'Naveen Francis'.......He hails from 'the Lands of Rahul sharma alias Java alias eamcet 79'. Easily the most famous personality among the telugu gang in coll. The last update i got was that he was sent back from TI to Mindtree for having an illicit affair with a 60-year old guy who cleans the floors there.

Pepe - No, he dint get his name coz of his Pepe jeans. 'Pepe' when expanded was meant to be read as 'porno people'. Its a race of ppl who shoot mallu porn using hidden cams. We r proud to say that our Pepe was the inspiration for the blossoming of a hugenumber of bright young enthusiastic mallu porn movie makers. We found out about his hidden occupation through a sting operation of our own. How it all started is a story which goes like this (this was back in sem 1).

pandu - arey pepe, what do u do all day? you never come out to play.
pepe - nothing yaar. i just sit in the room, do nothing.
pandu - hey, why dont u shoot pron with a cam?
pepe - wow, cool idea :D

..........And the rest is history.

Miss 'pointed' - Swear to god, i overheard prateek say this once. 'Arey yaar, woh bahut ajeeb si dikhti hai. uski naak pointed, uske boobs pointed, sab kuch pointed pointed hai'...roflol

Sam - movies ante Sam . songs ante Sam. AWP ante Sam. dope ante Sam. Club 8 ante Sam :) We're die-hard snakey fans. I'd dance madly to the tune of 'keechurallu' , a song that always played in his room.

Laggie - Picture this. A guy who looks at the monitor(comp screen) with the same intensity, be it an embedded systems lecture, or a 'Charmy' picture, or a video file from the folder 'Bhaktha Prahalad'.......would you believe that the same guy dozed off in the middle of a sizzling 'aria giovanni' video ! Well, that's laggie for you. sleeps while watching pron, watches pron in his sleep. His 'shoban babu ring' pic is still the highest rated pic in 'Dobbudu gang'.

Bongu - The tallest, the loudest,the unluckiest....many superlatives get attached to this fellow. He's got the shortest roommate too :P The both of us have just completed a 6-month course on 'how to sustain and survive prolonged assrape and molestation', taken by a beloved psycho prof whoz got a daughter who happens to be a 'tooth fairy'.

Potti - Has got the tallest roommate :P This guy couldnt tell orange from yellow after getting a high. Very well known are his angry outbursts. Karthik oops Creek god used to say "I've stopped telling him jokes. Coz the moment i do, he'd ask me questions,logical doubts about the joke." Guru clan dint win a single match when he was the leader :P


Cheeni meeni - Everyone loves to hate her. She and bongu were a killer combo. She'd start of every sentence with 'Hey Manoharrrrr'..... She'd speak to him in rhymes. Here's one rhyme i heard her say.

Cheeni meeni miney moe,
Oh bongu, come near, i'll give u a hot blow.


Tarak-ovski - 'Taradov', 'taraka-LAM', 'COP-ratna','Tiki-pedia','kama tarara' ...the list is endless. He'd speak his mind always, which, in the case of an average man is very good. But when taraka speaks his mind, its Apocalypse now. When someone asked him 'How do we get medicine from the net?' , he replied - 'Take the LAN wire and shove it up your ass. You'll get the medicine.' He'd get multiple orgasms after solving physics problems from Irodov . Potu would remember the instance where 'Tiki' started laughing out loud and yelling "mee SEN project dengipoyindhi...hoo hoo...hoo". The room was full of ppl and everyone burst out laughing.

Guess who - Lets call him 'stud' for the time being. Here are some of his conversations. (the material below is totally authentic, no fabrication whatsoever).

Palkol - 'How did you get to the exam center so early, Did you know the route before hand?'
Stud - I used 'Wiki-maps' to get here.

Sagar - I think i need to learn a musical instrument.
Bongu - good idea.
(stud enters the room)
Sagar - May be i should learn the keyboard.
Stud - 'enti raa, neeku typing raadha ?'

psr - Your room gets a good amount of breeze mama.
Stud - that is because its located in such a direction that we get the north-easterly winds.

Taradov - babu bai, nuvvu tamilian kadha.
Me - avunu.
Stud - ela cheppesaavu raa vaadu tamilian ani. naaku theliyaledhu asalu. Tamilians oka area lo unnara leraa ani thelusukovadaaniki oka 'tamilian sensor' thayaaru cheyali ra.

(Stunning silence followed each of the above conversations)

Redeye - "Who is this Akshay morrthy? He sends me an e-mail saying 'the redeye is watching'. Call him here. I'll change the color of his eyes, make it black or blue."...said Baba. And this is how he got one of the most famous nicks in our college's history. He's at his best when he's having a head-on with Pope. To one of Pope's frivolous meaningless arguments, he replied by saying 'What a waste of protoplasm!'. Boy, that was a killer comment :)

Santa - Let me end this post by giving to all of you, Santa. He coached our batch's women's cricket team. He guided them to their first victory, for which he was showered with bumps from Miss Doubtfire and co. Urvashi almost planted a kiss on his cheek, but he escaped by sliding through her legs.

'Redeye' was peacefully playing his CS when Santa started to bug him, calling him names like 'Lundeye' and stuff like that....Redeye just turned around and said 'Cuntosh' and Santa zipped his lip. Here's how redeye completed his revenge. He wrote this -

santa [henceforth to be referred to as TBCEC - the biggest chut ever conceived] started playing cs here with the name .player

TBCEC played for 2 weeks...he was the worst player i hv ever seen...EVER...ppl made fn of him, but TBCEC dint care

TBCEC being the despo that he is started a server and asked 2 girls [lets call the jane and eyre] to join...the map was awp india...TBCEC pro doesnt know how to zoom with awp...TBCEC got assraped by jane and eyre...awped MULTIPLE times, before he quit the server citing "finger strain"

the very next day...thirsting for revenge, TBCEC challenged jane...who is NOT catwoman to a 1 on 1 in fy_pool_day

it was a very close match...TBCEC used his l337 aim to kill her with shotguns and smgs...poor jane desperately tried to learn the game, beign generously helped on by TBCEC haters club consisting of pretty much every1 other than TBCEC

a couple of rounds into the match, things were getting intense...TBCEC got excited and started looking at the toilets in fy_pool_day....Jane saw this and KNIFED TBCEC...

And this my friends is why all girls at DAKC got motivation to play cs...my best efforts at preventing this and keeping some form of sanctity in the servers failed...and this might well be an unstoppable force unleashed by the dumb prick otherwise known as TBCEC.

--------End of this part-------------

This is where i sign off for now----------comments are mandatory this time :)

43. A nick-flashback

Well, two weeks in a new city has certainly taken its toll on me. Wearing formals sucks balls. Reporting at 9:10 AM for 5 days a week sucks bats, bails and even the stump microphones :P
Anyways, this heaven to prison transition which my office ppl refer to as 'college to corporate' transition only makes me look back at my 'happy days' in college. Call this an 'insider-post' if u might, but i just thought of bringing together a few really popular/creative nick names which i came across during coll. You'll also find a small description about the person with the nick next to the nick. One very prominent source for nick names was the very popular Counter-strike(CS) . So, lemme start off with a couple of CS nicks.

Tyro and Catwoman - This couple set the whole of DAKC on fire with their 'on-CS-screen' romance. They could just not be kept apart. Even when they were in opposite teams, they'd rush to meet at "mid" and would furiously exchange chat messages, oblivous to all the violence around them. Nowadays, Tyro has a new gal, calls her 'cell-woman'.

Bareily - Great guy. Still calls me 'roomie'. Still combs his hair for hours and hours. Still remembers many of my irritating gestures/mannerisms and faalthu dialogues...Miss u ex-roomie :(

Pulsar - Definitely male ! Back in sem 1,this female had a nice well etched moustache and goatee. Had she not removed them through electrolysis, she'd have surely given Aamir(from DCH) and Edward Norton(Fight club) a run for their money. Nowadays, she's going steady with 'Kaala', who got this nick for obvious reasons.

The G-man - With his intrinsic ability of telling mind-boggling jokes(which were spread far and wide by his alter-ego), he was the reason many a ppl had nerve blocks and temporary brain haemorrages from time to time.

Omg Haxx - "Omg Haxx! Haxx is Saxx"...used to be the chant in every CS server from the moment Haxx would join it. He was a terror with the AK-47. 'smilingdeepu2003' is his yahoo IM. "CAT-rapathi" as he is also called, will forever be remembered for his stellar dialogue "Aaan...pichha kottudu kodatha!".

Pope - Our messaiah. He's touched,or should i say, smudged each one of us at some point or the other during our 4 year stint in college. So many owe him for he was the one to expose them to pron. Started the pron 'brotherhood', gave himself the title of 'pope', took immense unwanted pride in being a bangalore-ian and always thought it fashionable to be late to class(of the very few that he actually attended). My guess is atleast a hundred of us have heard this sentence from him - "What is it that's bothering you, tell me your problem and I'll solve it for you."....'Pope is voodoo....no no...Voodoo is pope', used to be one very popular catch-phrase among CS players. His uninhibited desire to be a part of MIT is known to one and all. the bugger still owes me 200 bucks :x

S.P.A.N.K - 'Sexy Porn Actresses do Nude Kings', is the way Jeevan expanded this acronym. It actually stands for a five-girl group, all of whom tied rakhis to Kumar Raja and another numbskull from Palkol.

Java - You can write an epic on this guy (Java-bharatam).Right from his lund dialogues like "yeh kya chutiyaap hai yaar", to his supporting Congress during rural intern, to his 'cocks...i mean shuttle cocks' fiasco, to his idiotic yahoo IM (rahulsharma1985200), this guy was the butt of umpteen jokes.But he did take it very sportingly.Can recollect one of his geeky jokes. Our Java was walking along the roadside with jeevan when it started raining heavily. Then it came down to a drizzle and finally stopped. To this, Java says "Arey...varsham enti raa, random number generate chesi padipothundhi".

Palkol - This guy used to tell astounding tales about his hometown(which is why , he got this name). He'd say stuff like "In my town, carrots and potatoes are sold at Rs.2 per kg.In my town, condoms fall out of coconut trees.In my town, ppl eat pig rectum to fight impotency." Many a times, I used to wonder whether such a place did exist on earth.

Snakey - coldblood, cayman, ghoul, whitesnake, paganist, Baudrillard, Ponk, snakey....that's his nick name journey. We always loved to bug him, whether he was coldblood or whitesnake or some snake. His high-pitch car-ignition-type sounding laughter was so loud that it used to make ppl from other wings come running to our wing to see what the hell had happened. Creator of the famous phrases like 'a perfect circle' and 'macaroni marlboro', his dot filled orkut scraps, his theories on parallel universes and perpendicular realities are 'beyond-god-like'.

Simply - simply lund, simply jumpy.......This guy thought that life was pretty simple. That is when Miss err Mrs.005 came along and made things smokingly complicated. In agony, heartbroken,he then wrote the masterpiece "Love : It's truth and reality". He used to get a hagnover even before going to sleep(ask LC), I wonder how. One simply joke that comes to mind.

Arun: potta baaga perigindhi neeku....pregnant ayyavaa?
Simply : avunu raa...nee pellam ni dengi pregnant ayyanu !

Potu - If you all dint know, 'Chicken Run' is based on a true life story of a chicken that tries to escape from Potu's farm but fails. From what I hear, the news about 'bird flu' hitting india was actually a scam he planned. He did this to lower the rates of the broiler chicken in South India, so that he could stock up his house with tonnes of farm-fresh chicken.

---------------------The end of this part-----------------comments plz-------------

42. loafer meets cute girl

cute girl and loafer are good friends. They meet up at a coffee shop one day.

Cute girl - Hey, you’ve put on weight.

loafer - Yea, must be from all the beer I guzzled last night at Lolita’s party. So, how have u been?

Cute girl - (with a glowing smile) I got a job in ‘lynch-fosys’.

loafer - Yeyy, party.

Cute girl - for u, its always a party. Have u ever footed a single bill !

loafer - what to do re. I am jobless na :( And dad has stopped giving me pocket money. Says “you’re 22 now, go earn your own money”.

Cute girl - Alright then. This time, its on me…..anyways, what else is new, mister 22 ?

loafer - Nothing baap. Just loafing around. Hey, let me ask you something. I just got an ugly stare from a girl while I was on my way here.

Cute girl - Did you ogle at her?

loafer - I took just as much as peek at her and then changed direction to look at the traffic signal.

Cute girl - Are you sure you dint give her a prolonged look.

loafer - Alrite. Yes, I did look for more than a second or two. But it was’nt that gulshan grover’s ‘bad man’ look or the prem chopra’s ‘aaja chamiya’ look either. It was an innocent appreciation of nature’s beauty in human form.

Cute girl - Aahh…see there you go.

loafer - What? … are’nt guys allowed take as much as an innocuous look at cute females. She looked really pretty in that black salwar with the make up and the jewels. Had I been in the same situation in a telugu film (me being the hero with my sidekick nearby), I’d have said to him “She’s the one. I am in love”. But its so sad that we’re stuck in reality where the pretty girl gives you a ‘you useless fellow’ stare and walks away.

Cute girl - You deserved it. Why should you even fix a look on a stranger!

loafer - Why? Why cant guys look at girls whom they think are pretty. Why do women then take all the trouble? They sport such immaculate dresses and adorn kilos of make up even when they’ve to goto the supermarket to buy rat-poison.

Cute girl - You see…you’re right in a way. We do dress up and look all pretty so that we are looked at. But we want to be looked at only by those guys whom we want to notice us. We don’t want any and every guy to go around staring at us. Who would want that, tell me.

loafer - Let me get this clear. You want to be looked at, but not by the entire guy-community. You want to be looked at by those select few smart n handsome guys only. It is only their attention that you want to attract.

Cute girl - Exactly. That’s what we want.

loafer - Why how is that possible.

Cute girl - That’s what na. but we manage to get what we want. we use our icy stares and glares to avoid stupid gazes from every ram, karthik and chary.

loafer - My god…..no wonder that no one knows what you ppl want….am far from it….I am gonna start wearing sunglasses from now on, so that I don’t get those icy stares anymore.

Cute girl - Good for you :)

41. Two simple questions

I am a cheerful and instinctive guy, go by my gut feeling more often than not coz I don’t like to stress the only nerve that’s there in my brain, with too much thinking. Am a bit easy going, happy go lucky and to put it in typical hyd-ie lingo, I ‘take lite’. Boletho, I tend to take things as they come(move on with life) and that I don’t get angry/disappointed/down easily. No, this is’nt an Orkut profile’s ‘about me’ section that I am trying to fill up here. But there surely are two questions which whenever asked make my only nerve swell to twenty four times its normal size! I’ve been troubled by these two questions all thru my life so far, its like they’re two living entities brought into this world to torment me wherever I go. Well, the two questions are

1.What are you doing now ?

2.What are you going to do next/after this ?

Let me see how I answered/should have answered these questions at different stages of my 21 year life thus far.

Primary school

1. What are you doing now son/beta?
This question used to have a ready answer back then. Just tell them that you’re in school and that was all. Generally, no further second line of questioning would ensue, apart from the occasional ‘Did you stand first in class?’ or ‘Are you still scoring a centum in math?’

2.What are you going to do after this?
Well, this seemed a fascinating question back in those days. These were my usual answers
“Am gonna save lots of my pocket money, buy a truck and become a truck driver.”
“Am thinking of robbing Sharma uncle’s Master-card, taking a flight to Sweden and buying the world’s biggest chocolate.”
“Am gonna watch DD-8 all evening everyday, learn about fertilizers and become a farmer.”

I got a lot of attention coz of my innocent yet quirky answers, which I did like to a certain degree.

Secondary school
1. What are you doing now?
Still the same answer. It worked wonders.

2. What are you going to do after this?
The same answers dint seem to work in the same way :( People began to give stares, glares and told me to get serious. Was told to get an ambition, to have a goal, a vision, a Nintendo Game-boy (oops no, but I did think of getting one for myself :) ). Anyways, then began my search for that elusive ambition, that one quirky and intelligent answer which would get me back the attention I used to get. Those were testing times. Any answer I gave, always followed with it, a complicated second line of questions which I never had any clue about. I used to just nod when the very people who used to ask those questions gave the answers and asked me to think a little more. Well, lets be fair, I was still a kid. I loved playing my video games, my gully cricket and watching my cartoons on tv. I loved quizzing but that was all. I dint have any ambition. But I was too apprehensive to tell this to anyone. Always stuck to the same “I wanna be an architect” or “I wanna be an air-host” crap whenever asked.

Before professional college
After school, I was made to choose the science stream, but I had no qualms. Anything was ok with me. Was made to prepare for the barrage of engineering entrance examinations (I dint know why I was doing what I was doing) and finally, I managed to enter the engineering stream.

1. What are you doing now?
“Well, I have just completed my intermediate (+2). I dint get thru to IIT. Wrote another exam for a certain DA-IICT in gandhinagar and will take admission there.”

This used to be followed by so many irritating comments. “Oh! Dhirubhai Ambani institute ehh. You’re future is secure with Reliance now.”...... “That old man has created a fantastic empire!”...... “Will you be able to study in gandhinagar? I mean, its so far away, how will you go?”

Irrespective of the comment, I used to nod my head and give a rising smile which usually made the other person think that I actually applauded/approved of his comment and he/she used to stop pestering me further.

2. What are you going to do next?
By this time, even though I’d realized that it was no longer possible to be a farmer or a truck driver, I also realized that I dint know what I wanted to do next (and that was kinda perplexing at times). So I thought of doing what we as Indians do best – ‘follow the crowd’. Yea, I wanted to be a software engineer now, like every other gult and tam in town. I was gonna top in all my engineering courses, become a deadly programmer and own Microsoft by the age of 30. Somehow, this answer seemed to please many of my admirers.

After professional college
Realization dawns that I aint fit to be an engineer, but somehow have graduated to become a farzi-neer. Somehow managed to get a first class and get out of that hell hole alive.

1. What are you doing now?
“You remember the long breaks one has between major jumps during one’s student life, the after-10th grade holidays, the after-12^th grade holidays? I am having a similar massive 4 month holiday now. Am doing nothing, absolutely nothing and I am loving every minute of it.” Well, this hasn’t gone down very well with many. All they say is “how is it that you are not doing anything? People are flying off to the U.S, joining jobs, opening brothels…but they’re doing something!”
Oh yeah. I’m doing something alrite. I’m taking car-driving lessons. Even though I’ve almost driven the test vehicle into an open drain twice till now, my instructor is dead sure that I will get my license to kill by next Monday. Also, I’ve created an aromatic oil. Some of my coconut oil fell into an open pineapple jam jar accidentally and the rest is history. It’s a got a refreshing smell. You shud try it.

2. What are you going to do next?
Have a job to join in a month now. And yea, I am still following the crowd. No. I am not rushing off to the U.S coz its become more like India than India itself. Am being made to write all these management institute entrance exams coz my well-wishers think I am brainy. My current answer to this question is “I am thinking of doing an MBA from a top b-skool” - which again seems to go well with the people.

But actually, I still don’t know what to do. I don’t have an ambition. Is it a curse? I’ve done reasonably well so far without one. Is it a blessing in disguise?

40. 'Chak de' Chakvetadze

Is'nt she pretty.....wats more, she's a die-hard AC Milan fan :)

39. Shame on the media

Thought I should also contribute to this effort by sharing this piece.

A MUST READ.......
Dear Editors of HT, TOI, Indian Express and The Hindu, I got the mail below from a friend of mine and following the unwritten code of conduct, I am forwarding it to my friends but all efforts of people who have been forwarding this mail would go waste if this mail doesn't reach YOU......

Something to think about..!!

Shame on Indian Media??? Really what a shame...

By the time u guys read this news, the body of Major Manish Pitambare, who was shot dead at Anantnag, would have been cremated with full military honors.

On Tuesday, this news swept across all the news channels 'Sanjay Dutt relieved by court'. 'Sirf Munna not a bhai' '13 saal ka vanvaas khatam' 'although found guilty for possession of armory, Sanjay can breath sigh of relief as all the TADA charges against him are withdrawn' Then many personalities like Salman Khan said 'He is a good person. We knew he will come out clean'. Mr Big B said "Dutt's family and our family have relations for years he's a good kid. He is like elder brother to Abhishek". His sister Priya Dutt said "we can sleep well tonight. It's a great relief"

In other news, Parliament was mad at Indian team for performing bad; Greg Chappell said something; Shah Rukh Khan replaces Amitabh in KBC and other such stuff. But most of the emphasis was given on Sanjay Dutt's "phoenix like" comeback from the ashes of terrorist charges. Surfing through the channels, one news on BBC startled me. It read "Hisbul Mujahidin's most wanted terrorist 'Sohel Faisal' killed in Anantnag , India .. Indian Major leading the operation lost his life in the process. Four others are injured.

It was past midnight , I started visiting the stupid Indian channels, but Sanjay Dutt was still ruling. They were telling how Sanjay pleaded to the court saying 'I'm the sole bread earner for my family', 'I have a daughter who is studying in US' and so on. Then they showed how Sanjay was not wearing his lucky blue shirt while he was hearing the verdict and also how he went to every temple and prayed for the last few months. A suspect in Mumbai bomb blasts, convicted under armory act...was being transformed into a hero.

Sure Sanjay Dutt has a daughter; Sure he did not do any terrorist activity. Possessing an AK47 is considered too elementary in terrorist community and also one who possesses an AK47 has a right to possess a pistol so that again is not such a big crime; Sure Sanjay Dutt went to all the temples;
Sure he did a lot of Gandhigiri but then........ ...

Major Manish H Pitambare (who is from our very own city Thane,was residing near makhmali talao,who was just like one of us some years ago a former student of maharashtra Vidyalay,Thane) got the information from his sources about the terrorists' whereabouts. Wasting no time he attacked the camp, killed Hisbul Mujahidin's supremo and in the process lost his life to the bullets fired from an AK47. He is survived by a wife and daughter (just like Sanjay Dutt) who's only 18 months old.

Major Manish never said 'I have a daughter' before he took the decision to attack the terrorists in the darkest of nights. He never thought about having a family and he being the bread earner. No news channel covered this since they were too busy hyping a former drug addict, a suspect who's linked to bomb blasts which killed hundreds. Their aim was to show how he defied the TADA charges and they were so successful that his conviction in possession of armory had no meaning. They also concluded that his parents in heaven must be happy and proud of him.

Parents of Major Manish are still living and they have to live rest of their lives without their beloved son. His daughter won't ever see her daddy again. Finally Major Manish, to my generation is a greater hero, someone who laid his life in the name of this great nation.

So guys, please forward this message around so that the media knows which news to give importance, as it is a shame for us since this Army Major's death news was given by a foreign TV channel!!!

If you believe in it, don't feel shy in sharing it.

38. Minglish

Well, I have this habit of switching languages during a conversation. One sentence will be in English, the other in hindi, the next in telugu and the very next in the hyderabadi ‘kaiku’ slang lang. I can’t help it, it’s become a habit. I’ve grown up in an extremely cosmopolitan surrounding and this lang-switch is one of the prominent observed side-effects. A college friend of mine (a purist in many ways), once heard me have a multi-lango conversation with my brother on the phone and was astonished to say the least. “You never stuck to one single language. You kept changing it every sentence. Your bro must be having a tough time understanding whatever u had to say. Wait till I tell this to everyone in the group, they’ll pull your leg till you leave college” (which they apparently did, but its only now when I’ve left college that I realize how much I miss the fun of all those leg-pulling sessions).

Anyways, I’ve come to observe another very prevalent speaking pattern amongst different age groups, which is much more harmful and harder to understand when compared to my multi-lango syndrome. It’s the use of ‘Minglish’. Well, this is a term I’ve coined, and its gonna take some time defining it completely. But here’s a short description of what Minglish is. You see, there are some ppl who involuntarily think in regional languages(mostly their mother tongues) and translate their thought out in English while speaking. Now the problem is that not many of them take the trouble to semantically transform the thought into English before giving it out, they just take the thought in the regional language, replace each word with the closest possible match in English and then blurt it out. The result is a hotch-potch lingo which gets very hard to digest for any purist or a lover of the language. Some use it because they feel speaking in English enhances their position in a group (I call them bloody dumb fuck wannabes). There are others who are forced to speak English as a part of protocol( in offices, schools etc – my sympathies with them). And there are these others who just speak English for the heck of it. People of all ages are using Minglish inadvertently. I hear it wherever I go. It’s hilarious most of times.

Let me give you a few examples of Minglish and how prevalent it is (in hyd atleast) -->

- Was on my way to a temple in a bus when I observed two college going guys talking to each other.
First guy : hey, when does the matinee show in Tivoli theater start ?
Second guy : Now only rey !! We’ll have to go quickly. ( the thought : In hindi – ‘abb heeech shuru hora rey’)

- Was in a restaurant, was waiting for my order to be served. It had already been a half an hour and I was getting impatient. I called the waiter and said -
Me : Excuse me. Have you forgotten my order.
Waiter : No saaaaab. For such a biiiig order, it takes some time no. If you cant wait for that much time also, then what I can do, tell me! ( the thought : In hindi – “nahin sahib. Bade order ke liye thoda waqt lagtha naa. Uthna bhi sabar nahin kar sakthe aap toh main kya kar saktha hoon aap hi boliye !” )

- A 22+ female who has just reached the US writes this scrap to her brother who is back here in India. – “Hey bro, take my number. It is 0091-xxxx…. And I tried so much to call your phone. You dint pick up only!!!”. ( the thought : In hindi – “kitna try kiya, tumne uthaaya hi nahin !” )

- Was dropping my cousin sister off to school (she’s a fourth grader) when we had this small conversation.
Me : Hey, look at that girl there. You should have long hair like her.
Sis : Whyyyyie ?? My hair is not big aaaa ? (the word she thought in her thought : telugu word – ‘kadha’ or the tamil word – ‘illaya’ )

- The movie ‘The Angrez’ has this character called lakshmi who talks pure Minglish. Here’s one of her dialogues.
Lakshmi : “Arey smitha, don’t go even near those NRI boys. When I went to their room no, they were doing something something!” ( the thought : In telugu – “arey smitha, aa NRI poragalla deggara kuda vellaku. Valla room ki vellanu kadha, appudu vallu yememoo chestunnaru !” or as we popularly say in hyd – “woh logaan kya kya ki kar rahe the udhar !!” )

- Me and my frens from college use the ‘–off ’ language a lot.
Come off rey ! (the thought : In hindi – “aaja rey” ) - the word ‘off’ is used just to fill the blank space in the thought.
Lets smoke some fags off rey!
Is that switch on? Off it off rey!

- I call my bro up to tell him to tell mom that I’d be watching a movie and eating outside in the night. He responds in this way - “Arey kaka. Don’t do langa works like this. Come home straight !!”. ( the thought : In telugu – “arey kaka, ilaanti langa panulu emi cheyyaku. seedha intiki raa” )

- A school teacher, while checking homework books said this. “hey boy. Quickly, open your this one and show me your that one !!!”. (the intention – “open your bag and show me your homework book” :D )

- A telugu movie called “Aaha” has this sequence where Chandra Mohan talks to a deaf old chap during a death ceremony.
Old guy : do you know how she died ?
Ch Mhn : ya, she died of heart attack it seems. ( the thought : In telugu – “heart attack vachhi poyindhi anta” )
Old guy (hasnt heard the previous sentence) : There must be some reason for such a sudden death. Do you know the reason ?
ChMhn : ‘That reason only’ i am trying to tell you sir!!! ( the thought : In telugu – “adhe reason cheppadaaniki prayathnam chestunna sir” )

A new dictionary needs to come out with well defined meanings for the “now only”s,“that only”s, “come off”s,“this one”s and “that one”s. I, myself might have used some Minglish while writing this post, if I have, please do forgive me. I do tend to get a bit involved while writing. After all, even writing is a translation of thought into form, and it isn’t always that we think in English, do we ;)

37. The photo

When it found him,
it was all dusty and drab.
Was going through his archives,
when he stumbled upon it.

It had a certain shine about it,
there was this certain gleam, an unexplainable glitter.
As he wiped the dust off it,
a whiff of numbness ensued.

It put him to wonder,
was this the same person ?
had it been so long?
could things have changed so fast?
‘Time heals’, was what he had firm belief in,
but all that seemed so trivial,
with this dark flash of memory.

Such a beautiful creation of nature;
he had wished she were his to be.
Composure eluded him for a moment,
and it was only a little later;
he realized why he had kept the photo,
in the place where it had been kept.
Never could he possibly fathom,
that just a picture could wreak such mindly havoc.

There was’nt a need to remember the good times,
the bad times outweighed them hands down.
There wasn’t a need to remember,
that she wasn’t here with him,
that things could have turned for the better,
that he could have taken the first step,
that she could have tried to understand
what his animated eyes had to say,
that….it really seemed endless.

Then came a voice from within
‘you’re yet to get over her. This will just make it harder’.

And so he put it back,
in the place where it so rightly belonged,
amidst the cobwebs and moth shells,
with the thought of never looking at it again.

36. The Tooth Fairy

On a moonlit night, Chris was walking through the dense shrubbery within the confines of his college campus. He dint know why he was walking, where he was walking, for how long he had walked. He dint want the day to end, it had been so smooth and good all through. He had just finished eating a delicious sizzler at brajwashi’s. He had seen ‘Before sunrise’ and ‘Before sunset’ back to back, and it had felt real good. He had found his precious ‘Real Madrid’ football jersey (he thought he’d lost it) while cleaning his room. His Btech project mentor was happy with the progress he had made. His mom had called up in the morning to tell him that they had planned a trip to Goa in another three weeks time, as soon as he got back home. She had also told him that another 5 K had been deposited in his Syndicate bank account. Now that his college days were coming to an end (just left with 2 weeks that’s all), he was all thrilled about the various ways in which he could spend so much money in such little time. He had 14 days. The already existing 2K plus another 5K in the bank. He was beside himself with joy. Shoes, liquor, hard disk, novels…..blah, the list was endless. He could do whatever he wanted. Finally, he was going to become an engineer. After 4 years of college, it was all going to get over just in a flash. Life at DA-IICT was fun. He began to think of all the golden moments, a few embarrassing ones did come to mind instantly.

As he wandered through the bushes, he wondered how he’d miss college so much. Lost in thought, he said aloud “I wish these days in college would never end”. Unaware of the water pipe in front, he tripped on it and fell to the ground with a big thud. He got up only to find that he’d lost a tooth. As he got up and regained his composure, a very very pretty girl was standing in front of him. She had wings on her back, had a wand in her hand a velvety conical hat to top it all off. It seemed as though she’d just returned from a fancy dress competition or a fashion parade. Chris was smitten by her beauty but there was this one part of him that wanted to laugh the hell out. There was also this one other part that was still writhing in pain, he’d lost a canine tooth and had chipped another pre-molar.

Chris – hi. Who are you ?
Very very pretty girl – I am a fairy.
Chris (rubs his eyes, pinches his thighs, screws his ears) – what ???
Fairy – Yes. I’m a fairy. Why, is it so hard to believe ? doesn’t my attire give it out ?
Chris(still writhing in pain and astounded) – cool. But what makes you appear in front of me at this godforsaken hour?
Fairy (smiles) – I am not just any ordinary fairy. I’m the ‘tooth fairy’ :) . ‘Holy Godmother’ has given me the job of collecting teeth from the Gandhinagar area for this week. You lost an important tooth and I happened to be flying nearby.
Chris – I’m sorry, but I cant help you find it. It’s too dark here.
Tooth Fairy – Don’t worry, I already have it in my pocket.
Chris - But is that it! You came here coz of the tooth ? What a lame job for such a pretty girl.
Tooth Fairy – Yeah! But there’s something in it for you. Now that you’ve lost a tooth, I’m gonna grant one wish of yours.
Chris – wait wait. lemme think. I don’t want to waste it. can I have some time to think.
Tooth Fairy – No no. you’ve already asked for a wish.
Chris – When did I wish for anything ?
Tooth Fairy – You made a wish just before you tripped and broke your tooth.
Chris(thinks for a few seconds) – aaaah! Yes, I did !!! I really wish these days would never end. It may seem a tough wish to fulfill, but you’re a tooth fairy, you can manage it right !

Tooth Fairy (***devilish smile***) – Certainly… You wish these days not to end. They never will.

All of a sudden, the pretty girl turned into a two winged, four legged, five ass-ed monster and started to laugh at Chris. It said “you’re dead meat, punk ! This wish is gonna hurt you real bad”. Saying this it flew away and disappeared in a jiffy. Chris was just plain dumbstruck. He got back to the hostel, dint think much about what had happened and just went to sleep.

He woke up the next morning with a slight headache, the chipped tooth still ached. With the brush in hand, he left his room in search of the elusive toothpaste tube (sometimes its tough to even find a single paste filled tube in one whole hostel wing). Just then, his Btech project partner Mandy came running down the corridor all panting.

Chris – what’s the matter ? why do u look so perplexed ?
Mandy – Idiot ! today was the last day to submit the project report. I couldn’t wake you up so went to our mentor all by myself.
Chris – My presence wouldn’t have mattered much. Anyway, you did submit the report right ?
Mandy – Uhhhh..not exactly. Our mentor dint accept it. All of a sudden , he’s turned into a psycho kinda guy. Don’t know what’s happened to him over-night ! He's started telling that the work we’ve done is hardly enough. Says that we have to stay here for the entire summer, that means another 3 months !!!
Chris – wtf???? Let me go talk to him once.
Mandy – I am not going there again. Have had enough for one day.

Chris marched to his professor’s office, with a whole lot of questions in mind. He entered the room and saw that the prof was looking at some photo album.

Chris – Good morning err..afternoon sir. Is that your family album ?
Professor – Yes.
Chris – Sir, about the project…..
Professor – I’ve already talked about it with Mandy. I wont entertain any more questions.
You’re staying here for the summer. That’s final !!!!

Saying this, he slammed the album in his hand onto the table which was between the both of them. Chris managed to have a good look at one of the pictures. He had seen the female in the photo sometime before, but wasn’t able to recollect. Since he could ask no questions about the project, he went ahead and asked

Chris - Sir, whose the girl in this photo?
Professor (gives him a stare) – That’s my daughter. She’s studying abroad.

They talked for a while, but Chris wasn’t able to get out of doing an extra 3 months in college. He stormed out of the prof’s office. He was angry. Suddenly he dint start to like his college that much. The professors and their massive California-sized ego’s, the military like discipline system, the sheer autocracy of the profs with no authority above to dictate to them, the stupid water pipe which chipped his tooth. , all of them started to get to him. He wished his stint at college would end soon and he’d get out of this place. Then he sat back and thought, why did all this happen?

In a flash, he remembered. That girl whom he’d seen in the photo album was none other than the Tooth Fairy. HOLY FCUK !!! It all came back to him. The wish that he had made. The devilish grin of the fairy and then her turning into a monster. It ran in their family. He could see the same smile all the mouths in that pic.He clenched his fist, and hit his own right thigh real hard saying “I knew it !!! I've been tricked. Why at all did I make such a wish ??”. Only after he had hit his thigh did he realize that he’d broken the ATM card that was in the right pocket. Now he’d have to goto Sector-16 each time he’d have to withdraw money. Tears rolled down his cheeks. He screamed in agony “ When will these days end ??? I wanna get out of here.” Then came a sound from the background “NEVER NEVER NEVER !!! hahahahahaaaaa”.

33. 'Well-left'

The minute I read the title, what comes to my mind first is the classic “well-left” that Rahul Dravid showcases when he faces a ball that pitches outside off-stump and swings away. Kya technique hai baap; the way he leaves the ball, enviable to say the least. Guess this is’nt a good time to remind anyone about Indian cricket, with the huge world cup debacle (where the Pepsi Ad slogan “Hoo haa India!!!” became “Ghar jaa India!!!” even before most of the Indian supporters could reach the Carribean :D).

Losing to B’desh ! How can you?? These bloody cricketers are swimming in money, advertising for every new shampoo, hair oil, battery, biscuit, chocolate, bust-cream and Vibrator in town. And the media is no big help, keeping our cricketers at such a high pedestal ! What made me go nuts was a comment from Navjot Sidhu just before the “Ind vs Sri Lanka” match. He went on air (may be on NDTV, am not sure) saying “An optimist is one who thinks that bullshit is fertilizer”. Lets dissect this comment literally first. He equates the current Indian position to bullshit [ roflol =)) , I personally had a huge laugh, coz I’m sort-of anti-India] and then asks them to use it as a fertilizer. Yes, these fellas should be sent to rural internships like we were sent to (back in first year); and be made to plough lands and spread dung all over the fields(their faces too, if possible) with their bare hands. Ok, even if we do take the figurative meaning of the comment which asks the Indian team to be positive, that they will win over Sri Lanka; how in the hell can that happen. You cant lose to a bunch of Horlicks drinking school kids and club players in one match; and expect yourself to be supremely confident of winning over a side with pro’ly one of the best bowling attacks of this World Cup; and that too in the same week (within a span of 5 days)!!!

Anyways, this isn’t the main intent behind this post. Just got carried away coz of the unbelievable un-understandable cricket mania/hysteria which just doesn’t seem to die in this country, despite the repeated failures. Can safely say that our Indian team is consistently inconsistent (God I love saying this whenever India loses; and all at home can do nothing but give me an icy stare). It’s high-time we ppl “well left”-ed this sport for some other one, or for some other goddamn activity. I’d suggest a good doze of Basketball. Man! It’s one exhilarating sport, awesssomely fast paced and one where the team coach actually does matter (is pivotal in fact!). Soccer comes next on my suggestion list. Anything’s ok, but for the sake of God/Christ/Buddha/Mahavira/Allah , just do something to divert your attention and money from Cricket. Pull these assholes down to earth, from the seventh heavens where they’re happily nestling and displaying their endorsed shampoos, kesh-kala hair creams and blah…

A point should come where the cricketers realize, that either they’ll have to “well-left” their ad campaigns and play gr8 cricket, or the faithful Indian supporter will just “well-left” watching Indian cricket ( in such a way that even Dravid will admire the “well-left” ) . Yea, they can do as many revenue generating antics as they want, as long as they dont forget that it is playing classy cricket that has gotten them to this stage, and that they should continue to do so !

“Desamuduru”, an exceedingly irritating gult movie seems to have benefited greatly by the Indian debacle at the WC. Apparently, it’s hit the second all-time high collections at the B.O :P. This is just the beginning. We must, MUST ignore the cricketers until they perform to our expectations. The ignorance and rejection should be such that there should come a time when ppl like Dhoni and Agarkar start running behind children pleading them to take their autographs and the children have a gala time not giving their autograph books to these fellas. Kinda surprising that none of the senior fellows announced their retirements, taking the cue from Inzamam who totally took the blame of Pak’s bad performance on himself and raised his bat declaring that he’s “well-left” international cricket.

Well, it seems that I’ve successfully managed to complete a post without even mentioning the central idea /theme till now, guess I’ve “well-left”-ed it, will write on it soon :D “Well-Left – 2” will be right around the corner, but do post ur comments on this one, puhleeez.

32. At the coffee shop

At present

He – a student

She – a student

Time : 10:00 AM (on the phone)

He : Hi re, lets meet up ? wat say ?

She : Ok…I am not sure if I should bunk today.

He : hey come on, a cold frappe is the best way to start the day !

She : hehe, yeah.

He : So, it’s a date then :)

She (Smiles) : I guess !

Time : 11:00 AM

At the coffee shop

He – hey, looking damn pretty today !

She just blushes.

She – You smell funny !

He – ya, it’s a mix of ‘Axe’ deo and that stupid anti-dandruff herbal hair oil !

She – You’re weird you know…I like weirdos !

He – You smile a lot you know….I sometimes wonder if it’s because of me….Anyways, wats the plan today ? Wanna watch “Dhoom 2” ?

She – anything’s ok.

He- And before I forget, here are your chocolates…

She (all blushes) – Thank you…and I wont be sharing them !

He – Chalega.

He – And what abt your customary “Blue lagoon” mocktail, when do you plan to have that? before the movie or after ?

She – After! This fellow is so sweet, never forgets to ask me this. I wonder if he’s the one. Why dint I know him a lot earlier? Btw, stop calling at my place with weird aliases like ‘Ace Ventura’ and ‘Laddoo ram’…My mom’s getting suspicious!

He (laughs) – I simply love doin that…. So, looks like I’ve saved you from your ‘Monday blues’ this time…

She – Ya! My friends are all really mad at me, coz you’re making me bunk college all the time ! I’ve missed every Monday this semester you know.

He - Is it !

She – And I am running out of excuses for getting late at home. It’s for you damn it !!!

He – that u’ll manage I know, you’re one evil genius.

She – How rude! Never call a girl evil ok…you can call me an angel you know :) what’s he waiting for? Aint I clear enough !

He – Oh I see ! Devil’s angel :P … Anyways, for today’s excuse, you can say that you helped out a friend who dint know how to spend his money :P

She – Yeah right ! Was I wrong ?

He – Arey serious, I’ve never loved spending so much before you know ! And start bunking Tuesdays too :P

She – hahaha….That’s it ! He’s going to tell me what I am expecting next.

He – And I almost got into a fight today. On my way to meet you, I went up to a guy next to an auto, thought that he was the driver and said “Minerva coffee shop”. He began to give me directions to the place, which puzzled me. I said “Ohh, yeh auto aapka nahin hai kya ?” He took offence to it, saying “main tereko auto wala dikhroon kya re b***** m**** c*** !” and almost gathered a group to beat me up. Thankfully, a bus came close by and I jumped into it.

She (smiling all along) – Only you can do stuff like this ! Btw, look at this pic, me and my baby cousin…doesn’t she look cute.

He – I am not able to decide whose the cute-er of the two :)

She – Is he flirting again? Why is he still hopping around the bushes? Haaa, my cuz of course!…lets go watch the movie.

He- As you say boss.

She – I know he’s shy. He’ll never come out….Should I tell it to him now or not ? I’ve waited for a long time already….. OR….

Time passed, they kept in touch, mainly through the phone coz she had to move out to a different city.

3 years later

At the coffee shop

11:00 AM

He – a manager

She - an artist

She – Hey Hero, you’re looking a l’il off today, what’s the matter ?

He – Nothing re. Just having a cold, that’s all.

She –: Moron ! Stop lying ok ! I can see it in your face that something’s bothering you. Spill it out.

He – Arey. What zabardasti ! I’m telling you that I’m having a cold naa… damn, I guess I am not that good of a cover-up artist after all

She – hmmmph …! He’s never looked so nervy before.

He – We’ve met like after four months and have started off with a quarrel.

She – ok ok ! When did you get here from your place ?

He – Got here just today morning.

She – And came to see me right away ?

He – You said you wanted to meet so I came off…

She – You could have said that u had just come na, u must be tired !

He – forget about that, tell me what was it that you wanted to talk about ?

She whispers something in his ears.

He - What ! You had feelings for me ! When ? Where ? How dint I know ???

She – I was giving you signals all the time, and you never seemed to pick ‘em up. Then came a time when realization dawned on me; that you’re just too innocent and still this jovial little kid… So I stopped, felt we’d be better of as friends.

And it wasn’t just me, even you used to flirt aimlessly, just that you dint know that you were flirting.

He – I always have had this strange belief “Lucky with food, unlucky with love” and it proves right all the time :(

You know , even I liked you a lot. Just that, I dint feel it was proper to rush into things, coz you had just come out of a break-up and I dint want to be the rebound guy. I always felt that the time would come later, so just waited…and time flew…and here we are.

She – Moron ! He hasn’t changed one bit !

At first, I used to see traces of him in you, then I began seeing you in him. That’s why I decided to break up.

He – Ho…my wretched luck. Guess I misunderstood whatever u said, in fact dint understand at all…. And that’s what I intended to tell you now. I felt that too much time had passed and I had to take the first step. Can we start afresh ?

She – I think you’re luck’s gonna change, you’ll have bad food from now on I guess ;)

He – Doesn’t matter, too much of good food is also bad na :P

She (laughs) – Silly fellow !

He – Listen, I’ve directly come from the airport. Need to get home and show my face to mom ‘n dad…My bags are out in the car.

She – What ! Go home right away moron! But I wish you could stay longer.

He – Yea…So, when next ? tomorrow, same place at 5 ?

He – It’s a date then :) Oh god, let this work well this time

She (smiles) – I guess :D…….

31. A brush with the supernatural

Why in the hell is the male being so numbskullishly eager to get noticed by the cute female, who is in the next cubicle of the 3^rd AC compartment (of the Lok shakti express) ? I mean, what does he expect ? that she’ll turn towards him, give a rising smile (may be even wink) and follow it up with a “Hi handsome ! lets go out on a date sometime.” :P

The male hears a voice out of nowhere, looks in the direction from where he hears the voice, but doesn’t find anyone. He’s kinda puzzled, then he’s told by the voice to just look up and listen, so he does that obediently. The voice begins it’s narrative:

“ Don’t u ever forget that cute girls can never fall in love at first sight with ppl who have a waist line of 38 and an eyesight of –0.25 in both the eye balls!

Don’t u ever forget that u are a tamil Brahmin, that u are gonna have an arranged marriage with a female of preferably the same sub-sub-sub sect !

And how did u forget that u’re this huuuuge miser who tries to bargain even in brand showrooms like reebok, u haven’t even bought any clothes for urself in the last 3 years.So, how in the hell will u get the willingness to spend money in such a free flowing way.

Also, should’nt u be considering the fact that even if u get smitten by the gal and somehow do get the urge to splurge, that u don’t have any cash, tht u’re dead broke !

Lets hypothetically consider that despite all this, she does agree to go out on a date with u; how are u gonna pick her up from her place? have u forgotten that despite staying in a city like hyderabad for 21 years, u haven’t learnt how to drive !!! ”

The male interrupts…. “Enuf enuf enuf ! Yes, I guess I am a misfit for the cute female category,but should’nt I have a minute chance, considering that ‘love is blind’!”

“My dear, love may be blind, but it definitely is’nt mentally or physically challenged ok ! So wipe out such possibilities, spread the bedsheet on your side-upper berth and goto sleep.”

Alas ! the luckless male rests in peace, rather in pieces (heartbroken :( )