93. When you quit your job

The act of 'quitting a job' has all the elements required to make a masala movie. There's action, drama and suspense, both before and after you've put down your papers.

Ideally, this is how a 'resignation' conversation should look like.

You : Sir, I am putting down my papers today.
Boss : Why ?
You : I liked something else.
Boss : Ok. Good luck with that.

--- End of story ---

But this isn't what happens at our workplaces. This movie starts out like a thriller and ends up like a romantic-comedy gone wrong.

Stage 1 : The build-up

Like any movie plot, in the build-up, you don't seem to like what you're doing at work. Your manager blames you for all the problems in office (which includes his PA's affair with the maid he likes), throwing expletives at you in all the regional languages that he knows. You're staying away from home, earning lesser than friends and enemies and your workplace is filled with ass-licking colleagues whom you can't go to and crib.

This unleashes 'The Hulk' from within, you scream in an empty room, speak to the lizards and ants nearby and decide that enough is enough. That is when you make a promise to yourself, that you will hunt relentlessly for new jobs(and to remove the air from your manager's car before leaving for home in the evening)

Stage 2 : The hunt

This is where you work like an undercover MI-6 agent, covering all your tracks and applying to every possible job opening in the country. You still keep the smiling face at work, while plotting lo leave that wretched place. You wait endlessly for an interview call. You get a few. You run out of regular reasons and so give flimsy excuses to take leave from work to go give those interviews. 'It's my fifth marriage proposal, can't mess it up after the first 4 rejects' or 'My neighbor's dog ate my life insurance papers' or 'I'm going to a hair-loss specialist' are excuses that you come up with.

Stage 3 : Controlled elation

You have converted one(or more) of the interview calls. Have been asked to join. You're elated that you're going to leave this place soon. But you're waiting for the right time(in many cases, the 1st of the next month) to put down your papers. Until then, although you're on top of the world, you continue to work with the same constipated-under-pressure look that your boss is familiar with.

Stage 4 : The moment

Butterflies in the stomach, pancreas and everywhere else. You practice your speech in front of the mirror, move all your important mails and your pay slips to a personal email id and then go see the boss.  You tell him that you are quitting work. He gives you the 'Why the sudden rash decision ? think about it and let me know in the evening' routine, to which you give back the 'I have given it enough thought and I have made up my mind' routine and leave his cabin.

Stage 5 : The break-up

It feels like a relationship gone-awry when you start having the break-up-ish kind of conversations with your boss and the HR people for the next couple of days. These are a few of the standard lines they use when we employees break-up with the company.

Why are you leaving us ? (duhh...someone else is paying better)

Why did you join us if you had to leave us ? (duhh...doesn't everyone do that at some point or the other ?)

We din't expect this from you. We thought you would be loyal (wth...I aint married to you bozos, I just work where you work)

All you men are the same, pigs! (well, they dint say this, just added it in for the dramatic effect)

Stage 6 : The feel-sad time (notice period)

This is the time in a movie where both the hero and heroine lie on their beds and stare at the ceiling fan while a slow drab song plays in the background, meant to convey the sadness which the actors faces aren't able to convey. Similarly, this is the time when you take a chill pill, lie down and enjoy the last few days of work without working. Meanwhile, the HR ppl are sad, because they need to find a replacement for you, which is a whole lot of work.


Stage 7 : The patch-up

Like in all Indian movies, the lead actor and actress patch up in the end and the happily live ever after. Over here, the HRs accept your resignation letter and call you for the exit interview. Them and you have a nice chat and end things on a happy note(although both are cursing each other in their heads). And once you get your hands on the experience and relieving letter, you walk out a free bird, like Andy Dufresne does in 'Shawshank Redemption'.

And friends, that's how its done in this country. This is how we quit. Quite intriguing na :)