Well, its been more than a year since I wrote my first take on the M word 'Marriage' - Dial M for Marriage
Its been more than a year but the situation still remains the same. The awkward situations that this M word generates is manifold. In the previous post (Dial M for Marriage), the emphasis was on the awkward situations which one may endure as an observer or a participatory third party in any phase of the 'arranged marriage' process.
In this post, I'll list down some of the direct attacks/confrontations which a gonna-be-groom-bachelor experiences during this pre-arranged marriage process.
The unsolicited advice
Anyone who has ever been married starts giving you advice at really awkward times. It can be a good friend or a nosy neighbor or a totally random stranger who is in the middle of a quarrel with his wife on the phone(halts to give you advice and then goes back to quarreling).
Peer pressure
Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. This could not be truer when it comes to the 'getting married' and 'having a baby' actions. Its turned into a race of who will complete these actions first. And such actions cause a subliminal influence, a damaging one safe-to-say.
The internet matrimony profiles
You are asked to take a look at your mom's third degree cousin's family friend's second degree cousin's daughter's matrimony profile...and many other such profiles gathered from sources far and near - I like to call this network 'the pakkathu veetu maami' network(the aunt-next-door peer group).
The thing with these matrimony profiles is that they are generally not written by the person whose profile it is. (unlike other social networking sites where the person himself/herself creates his/her own profile) It could be the girl's mom/dad/uncle/elder-brother/grandmother or even her boy-best-friend(the one with the ulterior motives).
And boy! The demands made in the 'Partner Preferences' section in these profiles range from weird to downright absurd. They demand all qualities that would combine to create a hypothetical Indian alpha-male. You know, the 'Tall-Fair-Handsome(T.F.H) IIT-MIT-Silicon Valley-Tech guru' variety or the 'T.F.H AIIMS-Post Doc-Plastic Surgeon for Aishwariya Rai' variety or the 'T.F.H NDA-Fighter pilot turned commercial pilot for Virgin airlines' variety.
With such steep requirements(irrespective of whether they're worth it or not), you wonder if any of these women will ever find their knight in shining armor.
With such steep requirements(irrespective of whether they're worth it or not), you wonder if any of these women will ever find their knight in shining armor.
The road-show
You're paraded around in all public gatherings, be it a wedding or reception or a 'Gruha pravesham' or a 'Poonal'(thread ceremony) or a random distant relative's kid's first birthday. You get to hear many funny one-liners from elders at all these gatherings.
You've grown so much. You were so little when I last saw you. (you'd be called 'retarded' if you hadn't grown since)
It is your turn next, be prepared. (They make it sound like an IIT-JEE exam)
You don't have any girlfriends rite. You're so smart, its hard to believe. (A lame attempt at humor)
Oh, you work for Outfosys! Even my sister's daughter works there. She sings very well. (everyone who's anyone knows someone in Outfosys. #facepalm)
A marriage within the family
When there is a marriage within the family(of a near and dear person), you just cannot hide from the proceedings can you. You're asked to chip in with all the marriage chores ranging from buying a pH balanced shampoo from a specific boutique store which is 15 kms away(for the groom), to searching for Kittu mama's grandson(whom you eventually find on the street, blissfully playing with stray dogs), to dropping Meena mami and her entourage at the railway station afterwards. While you're trying to keep a low profile and get all these things done, you are subject to those weird quirky one-liners mentioned in the above segment. Its like a non-stop barrage of these incessant comments all through the whole wedding event(which spans a couple of days at least, unfortunately).
I don't know if I should call this providence, but just stumbled upon this pic on FB which is so in tune to what I've been saying in this post. So flicking it off and pasting it here.
A newspaper ad -
Also adding a rage comic I'd worked on sometime back. Pretty relevant here.
Well, there's more parts of this post which I shall post soon. This M saga does not seem to end anytime soon. #sigh
