Hi. I'm 'Advice'. Here in India, people love to give me away to anyone and everyone. Most people don't even know me for what I am. They don't even know what to do with me. So they mutilate me until they think I am sell-able in their market. Which is why, when they give me away, I cease to be what I was, when I was given birth to. And this distortion multiplies with each send-receive transaction where I get mutilated and then forwarded. Sometimes, I'm created in their idle minds, so that they can give me away to seek attention and importance.
I flicked this intro style from Everybody Loves Raymond coz it works. Its true. We Indians love giving advice. If there's one thing...no wait...if there are two things that cut across all our cultural and regional boundaries, one of 'em would be giving advice(unsolicited and ill-informed) and the other would be cutting queues.
It doesn't matter who we're giving it to, but we just wanna give advice at every possible opportunity. It could be a close friend or an ex-girlfriend or a happy neighbor or the gay stranger who winks at you in the bus. Here are a few prototypes of people who give advice.
The drunk stranger
The other day, a drunk guy(a typical 40+ aged burnt out software professional, with that tag on his neck) started giving us gyaan about how we should work hard and learn thoroughly about technologies(ERP), failing which we would be screwed by our clients/customers overseas. This was outside a dhaba as we were getting ready to head back to our homes.
A college junior(sloshed out of his wits) once came up to me and said Sirjee...you should start acting in films...you look like that villain from the movie 'Wanted'.
The concerned friend
Your friend circle will invariably have this one guy/gal who will give his/her opinion on everything you do. They'll also tell you that they are telling it for your own good, that they share their opinion with you only because you are amongst their 'best' friends. Lemme mention two such encounters.
Scenario 1 : Monday morning...7 am...getting ready for work...the friend had stayed overnight coz of the heavy rains(although I was praying for the rains to stop so that he could leave)...I pour my cereal and milk in the cereal bowl and wait for it to settle.
Friend : Why do you always eat cereal ?
Me : I find it tasty and its healthy as well
Friend: Take my advice, don't eat cereals daily. Eat normal breakfast items also sometimes
Me: Who told you that cereals are not 'normal' ?
Friend : You should not eat the same thing everyday. Its not good for your health. I read it somewhere.
Me : Cereals have various varieties. I don't eat the same thing everyday.
Friend : Your wish. As a friend, I told you what I thought. Its up to you if you don't want to listen.
Me : Why do people piss me off on a Monday morning! ....sigh
Observation : Did I ask for his humble opinion...no...did he listen to my defense about the variety in cereals...no
Scenario 2 : Friday morning...its wear-casuals day at work...went in a basic jeans and T-shirt attire...The friend comes over
Friend: Why do you wear such loose-fit jeans ?
Me : I like 'em this way. Don't prefer skin tights.
Friend: Its so plain, got no design either.
Me : As I said, I prefer it this way.
Friend : Then why buy a jeans at all !
Me(dumbfounded) : What are you saying man ?
Friend : Jeans are supposed to be with designs and cuts and fades and are supposed to look flashy. You should also buy such jeans.
Me : But why should they be flashy ? why not plain ?
Friend : You see. I am good when it comes to design and patterns. I designed the interiors for my house.
Me : Isn't interior design very different from fabric design ?
Friend : I also have a good idea about fabrics.
Me : How ?
Friend: I keep reading about fabrics and designs in magazines.
Me : Name a few magazines.
Friend: I don't remember the names. I read them when I visit the barber for my monthly hair cut.
Me : Wow
Friend: I also recommend different designs to people.
Me : Which people ?
Friend : My family yaar.
Me : So you're basing your advice on a few barber-shop magazines and your cloth recommendations to the five members in your family. Do you understand that your observation set is very very small and that you may give advice based on half-knowledge or no knowledge at all.
Friend : As a friend, I thought I should help you out with your clothing selection. I am not saying I am an expert but that i have some idea about all this.
Me : All I'm saying is that some idea is not good enough :)
Friend : You are being such a pain and not taking my advice also. Some idiot friends always do what they want.
Me : Watever I don't wanna spoil my mood on a fine Friday.
Observation : When you ask questions that scratch the surface, all of what every1 knows seems superficial. People are so superficial, yet so opinionated.
The neighboring uncle
They are the worst kind. The ones who will assert their seniority and at the same time not respect your opinions about anything. They always think that we youngsters are brash, uncouth, always out on the roads, drinking our wits out and having meaningless sex in manholes.
Scenario : Uncle comes to our home. Calls me as I am leaving for a movie.
Uncle : Hey, you've worked in Idea right. You are the right person to ask doubts. Come and sit.
Me(hoping this ends soon) : Yes uncle, tell me.
Uncle : What is the price of this iPhone in the market ? (holding an iphone in his hand...a US piece)
Me : starting price is 34k uncle. goes upto 40k i think.
Uncle : How is that possible ? I got this for some $400 in the US. That means 20k. What you're saying is wrong.
Me : This is what I know. May be I am wrong. I have to leave now.
Uncle : Take my advice. Don't keep roaming around in the hot sun. Sit at home and relax, like me and your dad.
As I leave, he starts talking about the problems with the 'young' generation with my dad.
The boss - when you join
Boss : You will need to work very hard and slog it out. Take my advice. Your pedigree is of no use in the professional arena.
What he means to say is that you will need to lick his ass until it sparkles.
The boss - when you quit
Boss : We didn't expect this from you. Take my advice, reconsider your decision. Give it a second thought and come back to me in the evening.
You imbecile, why on earth would you think that I haven't given it a second or a third or a fifty fourth thought ! Its always well thought out!
Well, this could go on and on. So many advice giving people. Would encourage the readers to mention some of their experiences too...After all, we've all been victims to unsolicited advice on many occasions rite :)
I flicked this intro style from Everybody Loves Raymond coz it works. Its true. We Indians love giving advice. If there's one thing...no wait...if there are two things that cut across all our cultural and regional boundaries, one of 'em would be giving advice(unsolicited and ill-informed) and the other would be cutting queues.
It doesn't matter who we're giving it to, but we just wanna give advice at every possible opportunity. It could be a close friend or an ex-girlfriend or a happy neighbor or the gay stranger who winks at you in the bus. Here are a few prototypes of people who give advice.
The drunk stranger
The other day, a drunk guy(a typical 40+ aged burnt out software professional, with that tag on his neck) started giving us gyaan about how we should work hard and learn thoroughly about technologies(ERP), failing which we would be screwed by our clients/customers overseas. This was outside a dhaba as we were getting ready to head back to our homes.
A college junior(sloshed out of his wits) once came up to me and said Sirjee...you should start acting in films...you look like that villain from the movie 'Wanted'.
The concerned friend
Your friend circle will invariably have this one guy/gal who will give his/her opinion on everything you do. They'll also tell you that they are telling it for your own good, that they share their opinion with you only because you are amongst their 'best' friends. Lemme mention two such encounters.
Scenario 1 : Monday morning...7 am...getting ready for work...the friend had stayed overnight coz of the heavy rains(although I was praying for the rains to stop so that he could leave)...I pour my cereal and milk in the cereal bowl and wait for it to settle.
Friend : Why do you always eat cereal ?
Me : I find it tasty and its healthy as well
Friend: Take my advice, don't eat cereals daily. Eat normal breakfast items also sometimes
Me: Who told you that cereals are not 'normal' ?
Friend : You should not eat the same thing everyday. Its not good for your health. I read it somewhere.
Me : Cereals have various varieties. I don't eat the same thing everyday.
Friend : Your wish. As a friend, I told you what I thought. Its up to you if you don't want to listen.
Me : Why do people piss me off on a Monday morning! ....sigh
Observation : Did I ask for his humble opinion...no...did he listen to my defense about the variety in cereals...no
Scenario 2 : Friday morning...its wear-casuals day at work...went in a basic jeans and T-shirt attire...The friend comes over
Friend: Why do you wear such loose-fit jeans ?
Me : I like 'em this way. Don't prefer skin tights.
Friend: Its so plain, got no design either.
Me : As I said, I prefer it this way.
Friend : Then why buy a jeans at all !
Me(dumbfounded) : What are you saying man ?
Friend : Jeans are supposed to be with designs and cuts and fades and are supposed to look flashy. You should also buy such jeans.
Me : But why should they be flashy ? why not plain ?
Friend : You see. I am good when it comes to design and patterns. I designed the interiors for my house.
Me : Isn't interior design very different from fabric design ?
Friend : I also have a good idea about fabrics.
Me : How ?
Friend: I keep reading about fabrics and designs in magazines.
Me : Name a few magazines.
Friend: I don't remember the names. I read them when I visit the barber for my monthly hair cut.
Me : Wow
Friend: I also recommend different designs to people.
Me : Which people ?
Friend : My family yaar.
Me : So you're basing your advice on a few barber-shop magazines and your cloth recommendations to the five members in your family. Do you understand that your observation set is very very small and that you may give advice based on half-knowledge or no knowledge at all.
Friend : As a friend, I thought I should help you out with your clothing selection. I am not saying I am an expert but that i have some idea about all this.
Me : All I'm saying is that some idea is not good enough :)
Friend : You are being such a pain and not taking my advice also. Some idiot friends always do what they want.
Me : Watever I don't wanna spoil my mood on a fine Friday.
Observation : When you ask questions that scratch the surface, all of what every1 knows seems superficial. People are so superficial, yet so opinionated.
The neighboring uncle
They are the worst kind. The ones who will assert their seniority and at the same time not respect your opinions about anything. They always think that we youngsters are brash, uncouth, always out on the roads, drinking our wits out and having meaningless sex in manholes.
Scenario : Uncle comes to our home. Calls me as I am leaving for a movie.
Uncle : Hey, you've worked in Idea right. You are the right person to ask doubts. Come and sit.
Me(hoping this ends soon) : Yes uncle, tell me.
Uncle : What is the price of this iPhone in the market ? (holding an iphone in his hand...a US piece)
Me : starting price is 34k uncle. goes upto 40k i think.
Uncle : How is that possible ? I got this for some $400 in the US. That means 20k. What you're saying is wrong.
Me : This is what I know. May be I am wrong. I have to leave now.
Uncle : Take my advice. Don't keep roaming around in the hot sun. Sit at home and relax, like me and your dad.
As I leave, he starts talking about the problems with the 'young' generation with my dad.
The boss - when you join
Boss : You will need to work very hard and slog it out. Take my advice. Your pedigree is of no use in the professional arena.
What he means to say is that you will need to lick his ass until it sparkles.
The boss - when you quit
Boss : We didn't expect this from you. Take my advice, reconsider your decision. Give it a second thought and come back to me in the evening.
You imbecile, why on earth would you think that I haven't given it a second or a third or a fifty fourth thought ! Its always well thought out!
Well, this could go on and on. So many advice giving people. Would encourage the readers to mention some of their experiences too...After all, we've all been victims to unsolicited advice on many occasions rite :)
9 comments:
Aah... these days, when people try to advice, I started insisting that things work for me this way and would assert some of my experience (including examples) as well :)
Sometimes backfiring helps! :D
neighbouring uncle..... HAHHAHAHAHA
Hilarious intro. True - this post can actually go on and on. Neighbor uncle n friend were tooo good.. 'As a friend I told you, rest is your wish' LOLLLL.. so true! I can hear the telugu-tamil-hindi versions of the same resonating in the background of my ears. :P
Great one bro, once again! :)
Take muy advise.. Keep posting more of such experiences.. As a friend I'm saying, this is awesome.. If u don't post, it's upto you
too good, that junior was rite..Take his advice join films..u really look like the villan in Pokiri..LOLZ
@Satti
ur backfiring technique also backfires sometimes :p
@Venkat
nee sangati kuda anthe mama :)
@Janz
Worked a lot on the intro, gud tht u noticed :)
@Roopa
aapse kya chupaana...aap hi ne to sabse pehle mereko Prakash Raj ka title diya hai :D
yes,just lyk everyone has a pair of stinky socks.. the best thing is ppl (i mean my classmates in b.tech) do not advice me bcoz they think iam 'authoritative' and 'have too much attitude' :P :D
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