Thursday, April 28, 2011

96. Dial 'M' for marriage

When are you going to get married ? - my parents to me
Did you know, Mr.Sharma's daughter got married to a Spanish transvestite it seems - 'Aaj Tak' to me
We just uploaded our honeymoon pics on Facebook - the couple to every1 on fb 
You've got gray hair. Its time to get married - a wicked banshee to me
Kaushik's marriage was very grand. They spent 35 lakhs on the function alone -
my grandma to my ma
That Niraj asshole is married. Even he aint a virgin anymore(or so he thinks) - a jilted lover to me 
What kind of girl are you looking for? Tell us son - a know-it-all uncle to me
By the time I finish my PHD, your second wife's third son would be in engineering. (ok this was a bit off the mark, but its a marriage one liner nonetheless) -
a joke amongst a circle of friends
The makeovers which women go thru to start looking 'marry-able' nowadays would put Jassi to shame -
me to all you readers :)

So much of banter around the 'M' word nowadays, its kinda giving me the creeps. If you have to make fun of someone, take a dig at him/her still being unmarried. If you wanna brag about your friend's uncle's status, talk about the way he conducted his daughter's marriage. Its everywhere, like a plague, a virus.

Family ties

You really hate it when ppl at home start to quiz you on marriage.
Mom : Son, when do you plan to get married ?
Me : Not for another two years at least
Mom : 2 years aaa (followed by a long pause and a contorted disappointed face expression)

Hell, they were not so upset even when I messed up my IIT-JEE entrance. You also hate it when some know-it-all-uncles and cant-talk-about-anything-else aunties pass snide remarks and try to be witty(read shitty) at your expense. And you can't care less about all the dowry talk, the money spent in conducting an arbit third degree cousin's wedding whom you've never met and don't give a shit about.


Peer pressure


Everyone, I mean absolutely everyone around you is getting married. Be it your colleague, your clg senior, your junior and even your office janitor. They've all found their 'love of their life' apparently. So much so that two friends in college who are married now hang out with their wives. Its turned into the classic - Hum do hamaare do thing.

This 'find your love' process is not for everyone...especially for those who aint rich or smart or both.
Retard : Dude, we're neither rich nor smart, how will we ever get a girl ?Even if a girl does like me...I wonder, there's gotto be something wrong with her to like a boner like me!

And when you see that one married batchmate of yours has added another married batchmate's wife on facebook, you wanna laugh until your lungs give way.

Rejections

You get to hear weird reasons for rejecting proposals, both by the men and the women folk.

He doesn't want to settle in the US
He doesn't know whether he wants to or doesn't want to settle in the US
He said he could not cook and was looking for someone who dint need his help
He looks like Prakash Raj

She has a tattoo
She hung out with the rival gang in college
She has crooked teeth
She won't be able to get enuf dowry

Beats me. If you don't wanna get married, just say it. Sometimes, there are no reasons for what we do (like we did engineering....then we did an mba too...all without reason :p)  


Secret agent 007

At times, you may be given secret-agent-like assignments to find out details about people you don't know. This is a part of the background check that both the sides(the bride and the groom) indulge in, to dig deep and look out for murky details. That person may be your colleague at work or may have been your senior/junior in college or may have no connection with you watsoever. But you gotto make the connections, make it happen. Because 'they' want all the details and you are the one they are banking on for 'em(all this without the other person knowing of this).

At times, you may be asked to give opinions on people you know a little, no matter how little that is. The questions may range from the regular ones like a 'ladka/ladki ka chakkar' or a 'smoke/drink ka chakkar' to some weird ones like a 'Is there a mole on the nose?' or a 'Is that a toupee?' or a 'Does her ex-boyfriend's name start with M?'

So much of marriage talk around, can I be blamed for writing this post centered around it :)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

95. Burnt your fingers

The last couple of months have been nothing short of splendid. After having had a life-scarring tenure at my previous job, I needed this welcome change real bad. Its all relativity. The things that I could/did not appreciate earlier have started meaning so much to me now.

The big guy who'd come to give the welcome address on the day of joining said (yes, this is my third job joining day, its kinda getting boring now) - 'You guys have burnt your fingers in the outside world and then come to us, the mothership. So we expect you to appreciate what we're offering and also respect it by not jumping to another job in the near future'.

Every ounce of watever he'd said made sense. Not only do I like this place, i have also started living well. When I say living well, what I mean is that I am making/finding time to get up on time, eat on time, go to work on time, read good books , goto a gym, catch up with old friends and chill at hangouts on weekends. I've learnt to balance my time, appreciate watever upar-vala (god, the cosmic truth) has given me and am trying my best to live well :)

This post is just a happy overtone. Nothing funny about it (intentional or unintentional)